In the Blood [ON HOLD]

"It Was Real"

When Remi woke up, he came to the clear, terrible realization that he had actually dared to jump off that cliff last night, and that he was still falling this morning. That feeling doubled, then tripled as he opened his eyes to look at the reason he'd jumped.

He had never just fallen asleep with a woman before. That was not something he allowed.

Usually.

Charlie was small and warm beside him, nestled perfectly into the curve of his body. Her head was pillowed on his biceps, her hair a fan of shimmering red over his shoulder. His free arm was around her waist, holding her carefully to his body. He decided not to acknowledge the fact that, when he'd fallen asleep, they'd each been firmly on their own side of the mattress.

He could feel each slow breath, each contraction of her heartbeat.

Sometimes he didn't notice how much smaller she actually was in comparison to him. How delicate and breakable she looked. When she was awake, that fierce attitude of hers made her seem about three times bigger.

Remi lifted his head, careful not to disturb her as he looked at her face. It startled him when she rolled over, her head on his shoulder, her face only inches away.

She looked so...peaceful.

She had really meant what she said last night—that she wasn't afraid of him. That she simply accepted him for what he was. She didn't want him to change, she just wanted to know the truth where it concerned her.

And Remi had come to understand that the truth was he wanted her.

He wanted her. Badly. More than any other woman he had ever met.

She'd forced that realization on him last night, against his will and in spite of his best intentions. She'd dragged and pried and wheedled the truth from him. 

And what was worse was the fact that he'd let her.

He didn't know what kind of fool that made him, but any kind was fool too much. Remi closed his eyes, gritting his teeth at his own stupidity. 

And really, how had it come to this?

How had she turned him into some kind of...of jackass who went around breaking bones and spending sleepless nights over some woman? What about her, exactly, had managed to do this to him, of all people?

"I didn't know if you'd still be here," she murmured, voice sleep-roughened, her breath against his throat enough to send tremors running down his spine. "I wasn't sure if you'd leave."

He'd planned to. Despite all they'd said—or maybe because of it—he'd planned to simply wait for her to fall asleep, and then slip quietly out the door. 

But he couldn't. Devil damn him, he hadn't been able to so much as move after that last, long kiss. All he'd been able to do was lay there, listening as her breathing deepened and evened out. No matter what his higher reasoning insisted, he hadn't been able to convince himself to do much more than stew over what she'd said. What they'd both said.

It had all felt so dangerously close to a confession. 

The problem was he didn't know what sin he was supposed to have committed. He had been tempted to ask if she could simply tell him her own transgression. Maybe that would make his own more understandable. More...knowable. 

Remi sighed and finally opened his eyes to find her looking up at him, an expression halfway between wonder and fury on her face as she waited for him to say something. He felt like anything he could say would be the wrong thing.