The caregiver's secret

Chapter 41.

Lucas's POV

We drive home from the hospital, Bianca is a little weak and woozy but claims to be fine.

I have to help her out of the car, letting her use me as a crutch all the way into the house.

The children will most definitely be home and they will need an explanation.

Their mother doesn't have much time left and as her children deserve to know the truth. But how do you tell a six year old or three year old that their mother is about to die? How do we break it to them without crushing them?

Luckily when we enter, the kids have just been put to bed and Flo is just about ready to leave.

"Miss Bianca! Mr Lucas! The children just fell asleep. They wanted to wait up for you." She informs us.

"Hey Flo! Thank goodness that we have you." She responds.

"Oh don't even start." She blushes.

"Did they give you any trouble?" I voice out.

"Of course... Not!" She replies.

"Expect Hosé doesn't do well with veggies, he throws them all away. However, if I given them to him as a purée he doesn't even notice them." She says.

Saying her goodbyes she heads out and we make our way to the eating area as Bianca insist on having a late dinner. Completely ignoring my claims of being full.
"You're full of sh*t now eat." She jokes. Then we eat out meal in playful banter.

That night we lay in bed awake together, we open up to each other and tell each other just how scared we are.

"How do I accept death when I have so much to live for? How can I do that when I just started to live again?" She asks tears in her eyes.

"Lucas why did you do it?" she whispers, if I wasn't so close I wouldn't have heard her.

"Do what?" I ask, not knowing what she was referring to.

"Cheat, Luca! Why did you do it?" She asks again.

"Bianca we barely have any time left I don't want us spending it willowing over the storms we've been through." I answer not wanting to discuss this, mainly because I don't even have an answer to give her.

"Lucas I want to die with closure!" She blurts out, and I feel like the air has been knocked right out of my lungs. I cannot find the words to say, my voice dead in my throat. The lump tightens in my throat.

"Was I not enough for you? Was I not a good wife? A good mother?" she rambles on.

My eyes burn with tears that threaten to escape. I try to push down the lump and take a deep breath letting the silence extend for a second longer. I roll over on my side and open my mouth to speak but only a pained sob escapes my lips.

She reaches for me, covering the distance between us and holds me as I cry my eyes out. A few moments later I get my act together and finally start talking.

"Bianca God knows I love you. To be honest I never stopped loving you, not for a second, not when I was with that woman." I confess and take a deep breath.

"The why Luca? Why?" She emphasises.

"I never meant for things to play out the way they did and honestly it had nothing to do you not being enough or your short comings. You are the best wife I could ever ask for and you're more than I deserve. It was entirely my fault, I got blinded by the thrill of it. Adrenaline can be a drug, not to mention adrenaline and testestorone are a deadly combo." I explain, hoping I make enough sense.