This Is Me Warts And All

Chapter 3✳️

I watch Alex order fish and chips and smile at the two women sitting with us like he didn't have a care in the world. I was quietly seething.

"Abbey I tell you what since we're almost family, I would like you to be my bridesmaid".

Abbey beams at Amy, "I would love to".

I steal a glance at Alex knowing it will be impossible for this wedding to happen. He just smiles at his sister, I decided to kick him under the table as hard as I could. "Ouch".

"Is something wrong Alex?"

"No darling I'm just thinking about you in your wedding dress so much I accidentally hit my toe on the table".

I get up and leave before the food comes Abbey notices, "erm where you going Cassie?"

"Just going in the back to see mum".

I had no choice but to go see mum there were three sets of eyes on me. I push the door to the back room open to see my mum watching telly. She look up and notices me, "Cassie love it's good of you to see your dear old mum, how was your trip?"

"Yeah it was good, how have you been?"

"Ok, I'm seeing someone new."

"You and Teddy broke up again".

"We have nothing in common love".

"You always find your way back to each other".

"Not this time, this time the bloke I'm seeing maybe the one".

"Like how Teddy was the one right mum".

"Look love I know you have a soft spot for him, he was there for you when I wasn't. He's been like a father to you".

"He hasn't been like a father to me thank god I screamed at her", she looks confused.

"He's been a good father figure to you, he helped you come out your shell and get your act together. Who knew my Cassie was so smart".

I started getting really angry at her, "Those should have been the things you helped me with since you're my mother, instead you were gallivanting around with different men. Why wasn't I important enough to you. Why did you leave me, you always leave me first with HIM then Teddy".

I start to cry I can't help it I have feelings of abandonment in regards to her. She inadvertently made me think of him.

"Cassie you're too old for this, I thought we got passed all that".

"No mum, WE didn't you did, I didn't".

She holds me and let me cry and diary I hate her for the bit of kindness she was showing me. I get up go to the bathroom and wash my face then go out the backdoor and slip into the cottage without being seen. I go upstairs undress and lie in bed but my mind is racing. I'm remembering his face, his specific knock on the door before he came into my room. The pain, the tears and I start shaking. I go into the bathroom and empty my stomach. I hear Alex come into our en-suite.

"Cassie I can't believe you behave so childishly", he sees me sat on the floor and my sick in the toilet bowl he flushes it. Then sit on the opposite wall facing me. "I'm sorry I'll finish with her I promise".

"Is that before or after you become a bigamist, you fucking coward you have no problem fucking me. Or begging me to marry you and then marrying me, but somehow you don't want people to know that you like me".

"Is this why you're forcing yourself to throw up. You figure I can't make new scars or Alex will see so I'll make myself sick instead".

"Your ego is just wow, if you got your head out your ass and think about someone other than yourself. Maybe just maybe Alex you will realise everything isn't about you".