SHORT STORIES

Loving Solitude

We often found ourselves fearing being alone.

For me feeling alone and actually being alone  is one of my biggest fears. I hate the way my mind constantly plants that fear on my head, sometimes it's so much that I can't control it and it leads me to situations like this.

I feel empty, I can't breathe, I want to get out of the box but it's hard, I see no light, no exit, I'm trapped, I can't scape, no one hears me, no one knows where I am. I'm all alone.

I stay like this for minutes that feel like hours, I try to gain consciousness, I try to stay focus on my breathing, I try to identify my surroundings and concentrate on a focal point. And it works, it takes me a while but I manage to get out of the box.

It wasn't that bad, other times I'm not that lucky and I tend to pass out. I start to see black spots everywhere, my chest tightens, my breathing is heavy, I sweat, I cry, I perish and I free fall into an abyss of darkness and no return.

Going back to the begging, I feel alone all the time, but I know I'm not alone, and I hate it.

I know is frustrating for the people around me to see me like this. I try my best to not feel sad and alone, but sometimes I can't. The darkness takes over and it takes away everything. I feel useless I feel like I disappoint everyone around me, but I really don't know how to stop my own head from making me like this.

It's hard, but I'm getting better, I feel relieved. I know I can't leave this place in my head, I have to learn to live with it, make it peaceful. Solitude isn't that bad, sometimes it's good for you, and it can be serene.

Everything has two sides, good and bad. Usually the good side is hard to achieve, and we tend to turn it into something negative, at least me.

Everything good I have, I see the bad and overthink all of the posible outcomes of that good thing and I tend to ruin it. Call me pessimist, but I need to consider every single possibility even if it's extremely bad.

Anyways, I'm drifting away from my original point. Solitude is hard for me, it's my biggest fear but I'm learning to overcome it. Therapy helps a lot. At first I refused, I avoided therapy like the plague, but eventually I took the decision and went. I was falling hard and fast into an endless void, I couldn't take it anymore. Best decision ever.

My point is, that you can overcome everything, seek help, people around you loves you and cares for you and if you don't find anyone, I'm here and I love you, I'm proud of you, keep getting better, keep rising to the top, you will get there. You are a beautiful human being and I will always be here for you.

A/N

Hi guys! A little monologue. I hope you like it, the tittle might not make sense or even the text, but I was ranting and I wanted to write it ♥️♥️.

Love you guys and again, thank you for reading 🥰✨