Afterglow

bleak

There was a gnawing, raw force inside of me desperate to wake up, but the trauma kept pulling me under, sucking me into the deep abyss of disgust and the treacherous edge of shame filled memories.

Except they weren't my memories. They were my nightmares.

My arm was jostled lightly, but then a body was over mine, a hard, solid body that trapped me against the bed. My breathing kicked up rapidly as the sour residue of my night terror swung me upwards, ready to fight to the last breath to get this person off of me, absolutely sure that they were going to cause me harm.

Suddenly, it was like he was my biological father, and he was trapping me down just like he had trapped my birth mother down and-

"Kat! Wake up, it's me! Its Lachlan," his voice broke through my reverie and I immediately stilled, the thrashing of my body from mere moments earlier forgotten as I stared up and took in Lachlan's face in the dawn's early light.

His features were strained and pulled tight, the sharp cut of his jaw like a serrated edge of a knife.

"I- I'm sorry. I have bad nightmares," I explained as my breathing settled deep within me.

"I gathered that," he joked lightly, trying to lift the mood of the situation, but that was before I fully took notice of the position we were in.

He was straddling my hips with nothing on but those grey sweatpants that left little to the imagination while his one hand kept my two pinned straight above me, the long shirt pulled up past my underwear and resting along the middle of my stomach.

His touch was a sinful, malleable substance that slithered through my veins and set my skin alight with a nestling fire that singed and burned each and every corner of my body, not missing a single organ, least of all my thundering heart.

Hunger darkened his eyes even further and I found myself wanting to swim inside those reflective black pools, usually the color of a starless night sky, but in the morning light casting slanting sun through the windows, they sharpened and brightened, the warm amber accents bringing out the honeyed golden flecks that made me want to forget my own name just to stare into them for just a moment longer.

And then I remembered that I probably had morning breath and didn't want Lachlan to try to kiss me before I'd freshened up, and gently tugged at the hold he had on my wrists, no matter how much I would have preferred to stay in his embrace for any multitude of seconds longer.

Seeming to break out of a spell, Lachlan blinked his eyes and reluctantly pulled away from me, rubbing his hands across his face as I stared unabashedly at the glorious washboard abs I'd been greeted with, courtesy of his dedicated years on the lacrosse team and in the gym with Holden. I still remembered the times my ex boyfriend would have ditched me to lift weights with his best friend than spend time with me.

I should've realized then that our relationship was more than a farce, but that was before I opened my eyes to how things really worked. I should've just broken up with him when I realized that he brought me no happiness other than a companion and a shield I could portray to the world, saying, 'how could I be a poor adopted charity case, when someone this popular and good looking wants me?'

I didn't find the faults in those thinking patterns until he cheated on me, but by then the damage was done, my reputation all but ruined, and he was still on his popular pedestal.

Not deigning to dwell on the bleak circumstances of old thinking habits lets they tried to rear their ugly head once more, I slipped off of the bed and padded to the bathroom, acutely aware of Lachlan's gaze on my rear end before I had a chance to fully adjust the cotton over my ass. I smirked to myself at the sharp breath he drew in as I lifted the garment over my head completely, still keeping my back to him, just as I shut the door behind me.