Violetta

6.

I felt better this morning... so I spend the morning in the garden..

The birds chirping and fluttering their wings wide to conquer the heights they wanted to fly...

For a moment I wanted to be a bird and fly away..; next moment I wanted to be a cloud up in the sky, so light and tender...

I walked to the gate to see the road and may be some people... I loved to look at strangers...; they minding their own business... They don't know me and same way from my side...

I saw a girl in a uniform walking towards this side from a long distance...

I have never had a change to wear one...

She had a cheerful way of walking... she seemed happy.. Its soo much fun to look at somebody when they are not watching...haha

Suddenly she looked at me and smiled... I didn't know how to react... I just glanced back....

Does she know me?! I don't know her anyway... But why would somebody laugh at a stranger?

-tta

I saw her even today... And she smiled again... I didn't smile back...she is a stranger...why should I smile?

-tta

Its been a week and still that little kid smiles whenever she sees me; even though I never returned one back...

All the people who know me would smile at me... but their smile always had a flavour of pity in them and I hated it and never smiled back....

I am not that sick... Everybody will die one day...; sometimes I might be going away a bit faster than them.. What's the difference anyway?

-tta

I hate to be in bed all the time...but when doctor says...mom will never allow me to get out of it...

But thank God... I have you....my lovely diary ,to write and also many many and many books to take me to the world I belong...

I never had friends... Actually I had but I can't say they were something like that...

They just never act normal as friends but like caretakers and I hated it! And so I distanced myself from everybody as much as possible...

May be coz of this... I never wanted a company... I just loved to be alone and spend my time reading and being in a world of my own...

-tta

I wonder how can that little girl keep on smiling at a stranger just like that many times even after having no good response...

Weird!

What an unusual thing to happen! She is here to see me!

I couldn't stop but smile! This girl is something!

I guess mom got a feeling like we are friends.... She seemed happy.

The girl seemed amused looking at the books on shelves... I can say that looking at her expression..

May be I should lend her a book..

-tta

Her name is Jess. I know nothing much about her.

I gave her a lot of books to read..

She is a fun loving little girl.. Her enthusiasm to know a story is what I like about her the most..

-tta

I'm sick... I can feel it. But when Jess is around I literally don't feel that way!

We discuss about fiction and fantasy... It is all fun... I get to smile a lot...

I feel I have never been happy this way!

To be honest I feel like I always had this lonely feeling somewhere inside me... I just shielded it always and never showed... But Jess... she somehow found it.....

I can never have a friend like her ever again!

I don't know how to express... so I just tell her stories and help her to explore a world of fantasy that I know and that I have been living in all this time...

I feel that's the biggest gift I can give her from my side before I leave.

-tta

I am not feeling well inside...but I managed to write a poem for my lil Jess this morning and I gave it to her when was here...

My mom have always told me that she became the most happiest after I was born.

And for me... I feel the most delighted after having Jess into my life...

She tends to fill that void of a friend and a sister at the same time....

The best thing about her is that she never sees me as a sick person but just like any ordinary!

I feel happy... And I can smile wholeheartedly!

I feel complete!

-tta

                 (Diary entries of Violetta after she met Jess)