Twenty-Three: Stubborn Old Mule.
"I am very interested and fascinated by how everyone loves each other, but no one really likes each other.”
-Charlie, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
I couldn't stop smiling.
When I walked home on Saturday, I was smiling. As I went out to do my Christmas shopping, I was smiling. When I went to sleep, I was smiling.
On Sunday morning, I woke up smiling.
I guess that's just the way it is, when you find out that the person you like feels the same way. It's a mix of butterfly nervousness and diamond excitement and a giddy anticipation that crawls out of your stomach to mercilessly tickle your heart. And while it sounds uncomfortable, it's actually a breathtaking feeling, and I wonder if maybe it's how all those bands in the sixties felt when they were writing those crazy songs, except, y'know, that was drug-induced and this was completely natural.
My aunt and uncle noticed, of course. They don't always pay much too attention to me, but I guess it's hard not to notice when someone who lives in your house is grinning uncontrollably. It wasn't helping that every time I tried to be serious, I'd think of you and my lips would stretch out again without any consent from my brain whatsoever.
It was hopeless, really.
Breakfast was an excruciating interrogation, as my aunt reached a new level of multitasking by bombarding me with questions while simultaneously burning a batch of French toast. Uncle Dill snorted and sipped coffee through it all, and I did my best to focus on completing a Sudoku puzzle in the newspaper which, in all honesty, I had no idea how to do. I figured that if Aunt Sheridan's food was too disgusting, I could sustain myself by eating the newsprint.
As a last resort.
"It's Ellery, isn't it?" Aunt Sheridan prodded, waving a spatula in my direction. "Isn't it, Sam? Is she finally your girlfriend?"
I replied with a messy mumble, because I really didn't know the answer to the question myself. I had no idea where the line between friend and girlfriend was drawn, and even though I figured kissing was a good point for it to turn over, I was pretty sure that there had to be some formal Facebook status-changing or something in order to make it completely official.
Eventually, I guess Aunt Sheridan realized that she wouldn't be getting a straight answer anytime soon, so she banished me to the living room to wrap my cousins' presents. I didn't want to wrap presents, I wanted to see you. I wanted to pull you close and kiss you in the snow, and most of all I wanted you to stay in my life forever because I suddenly wasn't sure how I'd ever be able to manage without you.
Not that you were gone; it's just that you had church in the morning and family time in the afternoon and a final Nutcracker performance in the evening, which really left no time to spend with maybe-boyfriends in the midst of it.
It was really hurting my head, trying to figure out where we stood now. But I had to wrap presents, and I thought that might help take my mind off it.
"And while you're at it," added Aunt Sheridan, "call your sister, would you? She still hasn't said whether or not she's coming up for Christmas."
I mumbled something about how there was a phone right there, do it yourself why don't you, but I really didn't mind calling my older sister. Since she moved down to California for college two years ago, I'd only been seeing her about three times a year, and lately she'd even been "too busy" for her usual weekly calls. She was a dope so I'd never admit it, but I really did miss her sometimes.
