If I Knew Then

Chapter 42: Crazy In Love

When Brian was finally allowed to go home, everyone was celebrating but him. He acted happy for them so they wouldn't worry, but he couldn't help but wonder why none of the other guys in BSB came to visit him. None of them called or tried to check up on him, even though he'd texted them when he got home from the hospital. The only one who seemed to care was Kevin. However, he was family so Brian didn't think anything of that. It was nice to not be in the hospital anymore but he still didn't find his mood changed much now that he was out. He felt empty and sad as if something was missing.

"I'm sure you're fine, honey. We are all here for you. Don't be sad." Leighanne had said, kissing him gently one afternoon.

"It's not you guys, everyone's been great. I just thought that maybe Nick or one of the other fellas would have at least tried to come and visit or checked up on me, that's all. Do you have my medicine? I need to take it before I have dinner." Brian asked.

"Sure, it's on the dresser. I will go and see how your mom is doing with dinner, if she needs any help." Leighanne replied, hugging him and kissing him on the cheek. Brian had a couple of medications that he took daily, and then one as needed for pain. He had bought a pill organizer for them which they kept in the bedroom on the dresser, and moved it as Brian moved around the house. He was advised to keep moving around and not stay in bed, although most days all he felt like doing was sleeping. He chalked that up to the depression that was slowly taking over. He hated feeling like this but there was nothing that seemed to help it. He tried meditation and everything else that was recommended but he still felt empty. Part of him wondered if it was performing that he missed, being out on the road and seeing his fans...seeing the other guys in the group who he'd spent the last few years on the road with. They were like his family.

Brian slowly walked into the bedroom and bumped into the dresser, knocking over Leighanne's purse and the box containing his medication. He picked up the medication first, luckily none of his pills had spilled out. However, when he went to grab the purse something caught his eye. A blue envelope with his name in Nick's handwriting, he would recognize Nick's sloppy scrawl anywhere. Looking to make sure Leighane wasn't coming, he set the purse down and took the envelope with him over to the bed. He sat there for a moment, feeling nervous. Why did his girlfriend have a letter from Nick in her purse?

"Baby?"

Brian stuffed the letter under his pillow on the bed and stood up slowly when he heard his girlfriend calling from the other room. She stopped in the doorway, noticing that his face was red and he was breathing a bit heavily.

"Yes?"

"Dinner is ready. Is everything okay?" Leighanne asked in concern.

"Yeah, everything's fine. I was just sitting down for a minute to do my calf exercises. I'm coming now." Brian lied.

All the way through dinner, Brian thought about the letter. How would Leighanne had gotten it? This raised so many questions. The letter had no address on it or stamps, meaning she had to get it in person. He knew he had to read it because it was all he thought about all evening even after he'd gotten ready for bed. It was under his pillow, taunting him. Leighanne was asleep next to him, and she didn't stir when he got up to reach for the letter under the pillow. He tiptoed softly to the bathroom, locked the door behind him and sat on the toilet seat, staring at the letter he held in his shaky hands. He tore it open and took a breath, opening his eyes again to read it.

Dear Brian,

I'm sure you are wondering why I wrote you a letter instead of coming to talk to you at the hospital. You need to know the truth. I flew all the way from France to talk to you. Your girlfriend won't let me near you. She's made it clear that she doesn't want me around and you do not need me. I didn't know how else to get you a message where she won't see it and prevent you from hearing what I have to say.