If I Knew Then

Chapter 33: Going The Distance

After New York the guys had to go to LA to attend the Grammy Awards and Brian started to notice Nick was acting strange around him. The whole time it was as if the past months had not happened, and it was like how things were before Nick had confessed that he was gay. Even more curious, Leighanne didn't seem to be excited that he was in town for the night when he called her from their hotel. So much of the awards show, Brian was lost in thought. He was distracted and Kevin noticed. Kevin also noticed that Nick kept to himself. So on the flight to Italy that night, Kevin made a point to talk to Brian on the plane ride over since they had a long trip ahead of them.

"So, how are you doing?"

Brian looked up from reading his book and eyed his cousin strangely. They were drowned out by Howie snoring loudly in the seat behind them.

"Not much for being subtle, are you?"

"Well? Are you going to answer my question or not?"

"Things could be better, I suppose. Why do you ask?"

"You've been reading the same two pages for the last hour. So what's on your mind?" Kevin chuckled.

Brian stared hard at his book and didn't answer.

Well gee, Kevin. What's on my mind. Let's see. I am lying to my girlfriend about my feelings for her, lying to Nick about my feelings for him. Lying to myself about what I want, lying to management and my family. I'm literally drowning and I'm afraid that I'm in over my head. But golly gosh life is peachy frikking keen right now. How about you?

"That's a loaded question. I guess the lawsuit, for one. My heart surgery, Leighanne didn't want to see me in LA when I called her place."

"Ah, that would do it. All of that considered, why wouldn't your girlfriend want to see you?" Kevin asked, raising an eyebrow. Brian frowned, closing his book and setting it on the tray in front of him.

"I don't know. We had a nice time for my birthday and then she had to go back home. I just figured we could grab dinner or something while i was in town for the day. She wouldn't even answer the phone. Did I do something wrong?"

"Do you really want me to answer that question, cuz?"

Brian rolled his eyes.

"Brian, you have been lying to her for months. You've been lying to Nick too. You've been lying to a lot of people. Eventually that is going to catch up to you."

Brian excused himself to go to the bathroom and avoided him for the rest of the flight, because he knew Kevin was right.

When the boys got to the airport, Kevin made a point to get talking to Nick while they waited for their luggage in Italy. He hadn't had a chance during their flight because Nick was so into his game boy or was sleeping.

"Hey, kiddo."

Nick looked up and took his headphones down because he had been listening to his Walkman.

"What's up?"

The conveyor belt started moving signaling that their bags were coming off the plane. Nick started looking for his bag as suitcases tumbled down the chute. Brian was standing with Howie on the other side.

"Just wanted to ask how you are doing, is everything okay? You seem quiet." Kevin said.

Nick looked at him cause he had seen Kevin talk to Brian on the plane and even though he couldn't hear what they were saying, he was a little suspicious. Did Brian notice that he was starting to pull away?

"Everything is fine. Just haven't felt like talking, that's all." Nick said as he rewound the tape in his Walkman so he could listen to the last song again.