Gerard Way x reader

19)

I sit at the bus stop feeling fucking depressed - yet hopeful. A large bag at my feet filled with clothes, money and other essential items. My skateboard leaned on the seat next to me. I had ran to catch the vehicle but it left seconds before I arrived, meaning I have to wait another 10 minutes.

Alright, fuck. An explanation. Jersey was only supposed to be temporary. I was supposed to bolt a week after my parents had first left to make sure I knew they weren't coming back for a while. However, those fucking boys ruined my plan by getting me attached. It only hurt more with the more time that passed. They had become my family and now I was abandoning them, leaving only a note and some cash to help with their next steps in life.

I feel really shitty, but it was always going to end like this. Some part of me wishes I didn't have to leave but I have no choice. I wasn't supposed to love them as much as I do, yet here I am feeling the dread eat up whatever was left of my soul. People I had known for years barely crossed my mind. It's only Gerard's smile I can picture, his smile fading into a look of dispaire and betrayal. It's easier this way. It's easier than explaining and having to say goodbye.

"Y/n?"

My head darts in the direction of the familiar voice.

"...Gerard." There it was, the tears started flowing, my heart stopped beating at the sight of him. His usually messy hair was now just disheveled and worn, lightly coated in sweat. His eyes puffy and filled with emotion, his lungs worked quickly as if he had just ran a marathon.. "I fucked up."

I only see anger in his eyes, "You're leaving? After all that... and you're going to leave us with a fucking note to remember you by.... You were going to leave me with a shitty note, memories now contaminated with regret, and photos of you from when you and my best friend were dating, as the only things I can remember you for."

"Gerard-"

"No Y/n. I actually don't want to hear your pathetic excuses." He spits out with venom.

That really struck a nerve. Out of all the people who will ever call me that and have ever called me that, I didn't think Gerard would ever. I know I'm in the fucking wrong. I hoped it wouldn't end this way. "I have to leave. I can't be here anymore, it hurts too much and I didn't want to hurt you by staying too long."

"Coward." His voice now held sadness even if he let out a laugh, I could physically feel my heart crack. "You have to stay with me. I'm not someone you can just bail on. You're really going to do this to me?"

"Stop." I drop my head down to avoid eye contact.

"No. Y/n, you have to stay. You don't have to live with us, I don't care about that; you just have to stay." His speech cracks.

"And why would I do that?" I say angry and uncomfortable.

"..."

"I have no reason to anymore." I bring my gaze back to him.

"Because I love you and deep down, somewhere I know that you love me too." he looks deep into my eyes. This has never happened before. "I knew you joked about it, saying it in a sarcastic or joking tone but you fucking meant it."

I am used to his usual demeanor when he gets upset. It could sometimes be a bit much, but I could always calm him down. This was different though. The look in his eyes. The pain in his voice. The worry on his brow.

I seemed to get lost in his hazel eyes. Time skipped for me. I didn't get to say a word.

"I'm sorry. I guess I should've listened to that part of me that told me it would never work."

When he was there I didn't realize how his aura surrounded me. He just walked away. And along with him went my last spark of hope.

"It's better off this way." I call to him a final time.

I drop to the floor watching him walk away. Dirt taints my clothes as I wallow in my own mistake. There's no coming back from this. Nothing I can say. No apology I can make.

I made my decision.

I'm not okay.