F*cked Up

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by mxryxngxlx

by mxryxngxlx

So I clearly don't know how to start this, all I know is that I wanted to let go of all the stuffs I have inside of me right now. I feel like I have a bag full of heavy stuffs inside me and I don't know how to throw it and get away with it.

Yes, problems are just part of our lives but sometimes I think that life is a nonstop problem.

As a 14-year-old, I think I have experienced a lot of problems already and I just want all of it to stop. To be honest, I don't enjoy my life anymore. Yep, I actually look that I value and enjoy my life so much but deep inside of me, I am slowly breaking down and crushing into pieces. I always give advice to people on how they could get over their problems or how to value or enjoy their lives but I, myself cannot even handle my own problem and don't even enjoy and make my life worth-living.

I think I don't know myself anymore and what I clearly wanted to be. Because everyday I socialize with people, online or in real life, I think I'm not showing them the true me. I think I hid my true self in a cage where I, myself, don't even know where the key is. Living this kind of life is so hard for me and sometimes I just want to exchange life with people whom I know are living very well and enjoying their lives to the fullest.

Pretending had been my daily routine. It's like I wore a mask that I can never remove anymore because I'm used to pretending now. Or maybe I didn't know that I already changed and I just can't accept it for myself.

Sometimes I wish I could turn back the time and make everything I did before right so that I wouldn't be struggling so hard in my life today.

I just wanted to let all these things out and as I type every single word in this rant, it makes me feel better and better. Although it didn't cured me and made me feel better for a hundred percent, well at least it helped in reducing the pain and hurt I have inside me. And also I don't know to whom I can share all my problems with because I think if I expressed

all of me to someone, they would say that this was all just a drama and nonsense. I know some of you would understand me and I hope I somehow helped in making you guys feel better.