Twice In A Lifetime | Book 2 (Completed)

16. ANOTHER LONG STORY

Chapter 16: ANOTHER LONG STORY

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Alex's POV:
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I have avoided Black's mansion like a deadly disease since the engagement party in fear of running into him. The anxiety I would feel in his presence, the awkwardness that plausibly had multiplied because of what happened last time, all of it was too much for me to even think about.

But it's been a week, a long week, a terribly distraught and restless one. I look pale like I haven't been sleeping, I tried hiding it, but putting up a fake smile is more exhausting than ever and now even my mother is concerned. She didn't say anything, but I see it, she's not good at hiding it. A couple of days ago when I had come with my mom, Jensen wasn't here... I assumed he was at work, but Jenny told me he was at his own place, I guess it's the same today. He no longer sends me flowers or notes, it's like he finally gave up.

This is what I wanted right... but then why, why do I feel this disappointment? This sadness that I have no right to feel?

"I'm in love with you." Those words in his deep voice haunted my nights and my daydreams. How I wish I could have said something equally beautiful.

I didn't think it was possible for him to love me, I'm stubborn and headstrong, not perfect by a long shot, we were barely together, but even as I think this I know I'm giving bullshit reasons to justify myself. Jensen and I, we related on an immeasurable emotional level, the deep physical attraction was there, but the connection that we shared was rare and precious. I can't believe I want to throw it away as if it comes along every other day...

I was a mess that day, my heart said something while my head opposed it, I was standing there in front of him, torn in two with tears in my eyes. And I don't even remember what I said, all I know is that my words put that shadow of pain and heartbreak on his handsome face and I couldn't watch it knowing I was the one who put it there.

Fuck! I'm a terrible person...

I didn't want to recount everything from that night, but Kate had called and I had to tell her. I couldn't that night, she was drunk off her mind and I was in a chaotic emotional state. After I told her everything she was silent for a moment.

"I'm a horrible person aren't I?" I asked, "you can say it, no need to take my side just cause I'm your friend."

"I don't have to say it, not when you are calling yourself every bad name under the sun." Kate said. "Nothing I say would be worse."

"I hate this, I hate everything..." Most of all myself.

"You have punished yourself enough.... You know." Kate said.

"I-I've done something unforgivable."

Kate spoke as if she didn't hear me, "you've been punishing yourself for years now for something you have no control over.... It's time you stopped."

Tears were freely flowing down my face now, "I don't know how.... If it wasn't for-" a hiccup cut me off and I tried not to cry.

"I'm so sorry.... I wish I could do more, I'm coming over-"

"No don't, don't ruin your day off over me please, I just needed you to hear me out." I insisted. "I'll be fine." Besides I'm not at home... I'm at Black's, in one of their guest room to be precise. I didn't tell her that....

She sighed in resignation, "You and I both know you are not fine, and won't be for a while, not until you do what you need to."

"I can't.... I can't trap him." I tried to put on my shoes while on phone, I needed to leave.