THE BEGINNING OF THE END L.S

17. H I S T O R Y

Why?

Why didn't anyone ever tell Louis how hard this was going to be?

2nd January 2014

Harry had taken the sun with him; Louis was living in eternal darkness.

He couldn't see any more.

Where had all the light gone?

3rd January 2014

He remembered a quote he had heard once.

"It is the things we love most that destroy us"

And it was right.

It was all fucking right.

5th January 2014

And Louis didn't know what was more tragic:

That wherever he went, he searched for Harry

Or that Harry was never ever there.

9th January 2014

He saw Harry in the morning sun, gleaming so effortlessly. He saw him in the birds, flying through the air, completely free. He saw him when he listened to music, voices booming so melodically in his ears. He saw him in Gemma, those same beautiful wide green eyes. He saw him in the boys, whenever they smiled or laughed. He saw him in his mum, being so easily kind.

Harry was in fact, everywhere in his life.

Except right next to him.

Louis was addicted to the disappearing memory of him. And forever terrified of when it was going to be gone.

And he knew he would miss him forever. Like the stars miss the sun in the morning skies. And the feeling wouldn't ever go away, It kept on coming back every time he saw his face in a photo or heard his name in a memory. Like salt in the sea; it had come a part of him.

"Sad" sounded so childish, almost flimsy. But "sad" was nothing of the sort. Sad sat inside him like the germ seed of depression. Sad felt like an emptiness in his heart, a shear nothingness that somehow held his soul and threatened to kill him entirely.

14th January 2014

Louis was homesick.

He was so unbelievably homesick that he felt the weight of it physically crushing him.

But the problem was, he would never feel at home again.

His home was gone.

And he would never get it back.

20th January 2014

One day, he had no idea how long it had been since Harry because time no longer had any meaning to Louis, one day he walked down the stairs into Harry's hallway, and he heard a song playing from the kitchen.

"Yellow" By Coldplay.

It reminded him of a day he spent with Harry. They had been in a restaurant and this song had been playing in the background. Louis remembered Harry had insisted on tipping every single one of the waiters because he would feel guilty otherwise.

It brought a smile to his face for the first time in what felt like lifetimes as he remembered the joy it brought Harry to see their faces light up when receiving the tips. And this song could have literally been written for him.