Boss Babes

If You're Offered A Seat On A Rocket Ship, Don't Ask What Seat! Just Get On.

Kymberly led us all on a brief, guided meditation meant to help us manifest our goals and then gave us each an assignment for the month - mine was to sign up two new customers or promoters in the next two weeks. 

"Reach out to your two closest female friends and have them join you together in the experience. Make sure they get their first month on auto ship - once you sign up two people, your supply of Flourish is free that month!" Kymberly advised me with a jaunty wink.  How on Earth could someone's eyebrows be that flawless? 

What close female friends? I had wanted to scream. Kirra and the mailman I saw at my job were the closest things to friends I had.  As soon as the carved wooden door to Kymberly's house was closed behind us, I spun to face Kirra.

"What the hell, dude? I never said I wanted to sell this stuff!" The anger and confusion, repressed from the desire to not cause a scene in Goddess Lady's basement, suddenly erupted out of me. Kymberly had readily embraced me into her fold and I was hesistant to be rude to someone so ... nice. The meditation had been wonderfully soothing after the shock, and I harbored no doubts about her ability to lead their promoter team to greatness.  I, too, found myself enraptured in her words and dreaming about working from a laptop in Punta Cana, the next company vacation conference some of the promoters were working towards earning. 

Still, I had not actually consented to join them and something I couldn't quite articulate felt very ... off ... about the group. 

"It's a cullltt, run, you idiot, and leave Bubbles in the driveway. She can hitch a ride home in an Avocadomobile with one of the Manson Girls." My brain protested. 

"It's okay, calm down! I made you a promoter instead of a customer to help you save money!" Kirra threw up her heads defensively. "We pay 15% less than than the customer's retail price for our personal shipments - it's a better discount and you're planning on using Flourish for a while anyways! I was trying to help you!" 

I paused. The $200 a month for the colorful packets would add up quickly - I can't really afford the equivalent of another car payment every month despite my newfound frugality, so a consistent discount would be nice. There had to be a catch, though.

"Why didn't you tell me about the promoter discount when we made my account though?" I lit a cigarette, still suspicious about her motives. 

"Eww, gross! Do you really smoke those things? Those are NOT part of a premium lifestyle." Kirra wrinkled her nose, seriously offended. I was tempted to blow the smoke straight in her face. Smoking was one of the few things that made life at the poverty level bearable, and I considered the potential of dying quicker a definite positive.

Ignoring Kirra's protesting, I strode towards my car and closed the driver side door harder than I should've.  She could deal with the smell if she wanted a ride home. I desperately wanted to be alone and hide under my Hello Kitty throw blanket.

Sorry car, but I can't punch people anymore since going back to jail would really suck.

We rode in silence back to Jefferson Park. I refused to look at her and instead pretended to be engrossed in the suburban sprawl as strip malls gave way to shuttered mid-century storefronts. Finally, I pulled into her dumpy apartment complex and found a spot near her building. An older man was sleeping next to the dumpster with his hand clasped tightly around a paper bag. 

"Listen, I'm really sorry. I should've told you about the promoter thing before signing you up for it, but I wanted to help you get a better discount since you're my friend. You don't have to sign up anyone if you don't want to." Kirra sighed. Her huge blue eyes were close to tears. "I'm really glad you came today, though. I have horrible anxiety and having someone there with me helps so much. The rest of the girls are so perfect and I just worry I'm never going to be good enough sometimes."

I felt instantly sorry and my anger suddenly subsided. "Well, you're a really good actress and I couldn't tell. You're perfect too, I'm the weirdo emo chick that doesn't belong."

"No way!" she laughed. "I'm just some loser from Jefferson Park. I don't even have a car!" 

"Wait, what? I thought your Jeep was in the shop?" 

"I didn't want to tell you I was poor. It's kind of embarrassing." she sighed. "Kymberly tells us the most important part of manifesting is living from the end - we have to pretend we're living our dream, premium lifestyles in order to attract them and make them reality. So I pretend I have a Jeep, since that's my dream car." 

I was speechless. I had watched The Secret and tried out some of the manifesting exercises, but none of them worked for me despite reading dozens of testimonies about the possibility of creating your own dream reality. Had these Flourish girls stumbled upon the secret to The Secret and figured out something I had failed to grasp?

"Listen, it was really great hanging out and I'm super glad you came today." she replied to my silence and hastily grabbed her purse. "I'll see you soon, okay? Love you girl, byee!" 

Finally alone, I gratefully creeped out of the parking lot, mindful of the speedbumps.  Something about Kirra's personality seemed to sap my energy. I couldn't WAIT to get home and turn my brain off for a little bit in order to process the events of the meeting and my newfound promoter status. 

She called me her friend. I haven't had one of those in forever. 

**********

Author's Notes:

In celebration of getting to 50 reads on Wattpad, I'm giving you this week's Chapter early, plus I felt like writing today and decided to take advantage of that. Not sure if we're getting a bonus Chapter this week or not, stay tuned and find out! ;)  

Again, THANK YOU all SO SO MUCH for all the support, votes, reads, comments and follows! I probably would've given up on this project by now if not for you guys, because I have issues with starting things and giving up whenever I loose interest. Your interest keeps my interest alive, it's a wonderful symbiotic feedback loop system. 

This Chapter title reminds me of the AMC/GME stock thing on Reddit, which yours truly has $300 invested in. AMC to the moon! #gorillagang

Is Kirra kind of a manipulative and bad person? Maybe, but right now she's basically Charlie's only friend, and making adult friendships is HARD. Where you do even make friends as a grownup besides work? Are work friends even friends, or just people to go to happy hour with? These are all important questions I don't have the answer to yet - I have no friends, and spend my spare time watching Youtube, knitting, and yeeting word vomit into the internet with no real plan on how to monetize this shit and quit my day job yet. 

Write Novels ---> ????? ----> Profit. 

Buy Meme Stonk ----> ????? -----> Profit.

There is a pattern here. I am an underpants gnome, hear me rawr.

Don't forget to vote and follow! See you next week! <3