Boss Babes

Research Is What I'm Doing When I Don't Know What I'm Doing

The dark phase of the Moon is an often overlooked, but critical part of the cycle for any adept practitioner.  Associated with rest, reflection, banishing, and the internal shadow parts of ourselves, it's the forgotten, ugly sibling of the better-known full moon. The Ringo Starr to the John Lennon of moon phases. 

It also happens to be my favorite moon phase because knowing that the act of "doing nothing is doing something" makes my natural lazy streak feel validated.

Today, we will be researching, reflecting, and trying to figure out exactly what kind of cult my new friend had roped me into.

I placed a white tea light on my dresser in honor of the moon, lit it, took a deep breath, and opened my laptop.

Time to internet stalk The Manson Girls

This activity feels appropriately witchy, and I'm rolling with that. 

Kirra had added me a connection on Friendli, a social media app, shorty after my visit to her apartment. I scrolled through her wall and recognized a few other faces from Kymberly's basement.

Ha, Kymberly's Basement. Sounds like a fancy lingerie company, but goth. Or would that be Kymberly's Dungeon?

Dammit Charlie, FOCUS. Stop thinking about hot chicks in bondage gear. 

Okay. Now then.

The Goddess-In-Chief had a candid photograph with her daughter, modified with a tasteful sepia filter. The Flourish patch on mom's arm, however, was not edited. An overeager pop of avocado puke lunging out of a pool of dirty pee water.

Holy stromboli, she posts a lot!

Scrolling through, it seemed like every little moment of Kymberly and her daughter's life had been shared in happy, positive photos - all proclaiming the benefits of one Flourish product or another. 

If they were eating at a restaurant, they were "#blessed from a recent Flourish payday."

If she was at her daughter's dance rehearsal, she was talking about "sharing the Flourish experience with other hard-working mompreneurs." 

What in the unholy portmanteau fuck is a 'mompreneur?"

If she was showing a house, she baked brownie bars out of the shake mix and left them for her clients to try, with plenty of avocado-puke handouts about her "side hustle." 

Turns out, Kymberly was a successful real estate agent who specialized in designer baby mansions, like the one she lived in. None of her listings were for less than half a million, and all of them matched her white-on-beige minimalist airy aesthetic. 

Did people like these homes because they resemble a blank canvas, ready for the new owners to turn into their masterpiece and further inflate the property's value, or is there a group of actual people out there with an army of meticulous housekeepers in their employ who like all white everything?

The great mysteries of our universe. 

My dollar store tealight had completely transformed from solid white wax to a smooth puddle I knew better than to touch by the time I had gotten through a few more profiles. Leaning back onto my threadbare plaid bedspread, I knit my fingers together behind my head, closed my eyes, and reflected on what I had learned so far. 

They post every tiny detail of their lives online - for everyone. Even weird things. All day. Constantly. 

They were weirdly HAPPY about little, insignificant things. 'Gratitude' was perhaps the most commonly used phrase in their posts (after 'Flourish' and 'Hustle,' of course).

They hung out with each other - constantly. Brunch, Poolside, the Mall - they were everywhere, together, kids in tow.

They were all making insane amounts of money, and spent it on fugly, gaudy crap like purses, or dogs to put in their purses.

woof.

I hadn't signed up to promote - and had even been angry with Kirra for the deception - but I was starting to wonder if she had, indeed, gifted me with the opportunity to quit my annoying office job and get paid to hang out with beautiful people by a pool all day.

.....life changing business opportunity.....

.....flexibility to work where and whenever I want.....

.....residual income paid for this vacation.....

.....supportive community of like-minded, motivated ladies.....

.....quit my job and now make more than what I did, but part-time.....

.....be your own boss.....

The testimonials all ran together in my head; a clanging cacophony, a whisper of "what if?" 

Had I stumbled upon a life hack for getting money without having to do much actual work? From what I could see, these girls are literally just posting stuff on the internet, being hot, and making money off it. I can do that too, shit, my degree is in marketing.  I know I can write better posts than The Manson Girls - and I can totally cosplay a hot chick once I loose a few pounds.  I'll get a Barfmobile too, but I'll sell it on Craigslist, and then re-invest the profits into my business.

Smarter than the average Manson Girl, That I am! 

I decided to wait until the New Moon before telling Kirra about my decision to join her in promoting, but I was already drafting my resignation letter for work in my head and dreaming about the day I would make enough Flourish money to actually pen one.

**********

Author's Notes 

Sorry this installment took so long - I've had the worst flu ever this past weekend but my covid test said negative. Feeling much more human and functional now. If this chapter is not completely up-to-snuff, I apologize in advance. I do make notes of everyone's feedback and am going to do a Master Edit once the book is complete. Actually finishing the dang thang is my first goal - word by word, chapter by chapter, inspirational quote meme by inspirational quote meme.

I will write and finish one whole ass book. There, I spoke it into existence. Why isn't it writing itself? There's gotta be a spell for that.

I correctly spelled "portmanteau" the first try without spellcheck - nice. Full disclosure, I have no clue on how to actually pronounce it. It's one of those words I've only read, and never said aloud. Is there a word for those words; the words you've only read but never spoken? 

If not, there should be. 

We can make it right now. 

We can add it to the Urban Dictionary.

We can get it trending on Twitter. 

We can make it go viral until a late-night comedian says it! 

WE CAN MAKE A NEW WORD YUH GUYS!!!!!1!!

(Unless, of course, there already is a word for that and I just haven't read it yet) 

:P

Going to curl up with some of your stories before working on the next chapter of mine, since I'm still kinda sick. 

See you soon and don't forget to vote, follow, comment, and pet a cat today.