Starting Over

Chapter 3: The Accident

I borrowed Coach Carson's car. I have a therapy session with a new doctor. My car hasn't made its way to North Carolina yet.

So I'm currently sitting in the waiting room waiting for my name to be called.

I drove all the way to Wake Forest. My parents thought it would be saver.

So that if anyone saw me in Chapel Hill at a therapist's office, I would not be embarrassed. It doesn't embarrass me. A lot of people need help. I'm one of them. I may  know and tell myself I need help but the truth is I will be difficult with professionals. I don't think they should help me. After all it was my fault.

I will forever regret going to that party.

"Taylor? Taylor Rae?" I hear my name being called so I walk to the lady holding a clipboard. I bet she tells all the other ladies here my business. She probably reads my file and then they gossip.

"Doctor Miller will be right in."

Doctor Miller is just going to be another Doctor Willis. Doctor Willis was the worst. He hated me. Why? I don't know. Maybe because everyone else in Lexington hates me. Does he blame me? I don't know. What I do know is I would be total fine and waiting for him to sign off on me. He wouldn't. For some weird reason he wanted to keep me around.

"Taylor Lawson?" A female ask as I turn my head around to which I nod confused.

"Hi I'm Cassandra Miller. Doctor Willis referred you to me."

I wasn't expecting a female.

"Let's get right into this shall we. I know you just moved here so you've probably got classes to get ready for. UNC? Correct?"

"Yes."

"I graduated from Duke so UNC is still my rival. You going to the Duke vs. Chapel Hill basketball game?"

I don't respond.

I've never had a doctor make small talk with me this is weird.

"So the accident, do you still blame yourself? Doctor Willis says you do that's the man reason you were seeing him."

"Yes I still think about it."

"You didn't answer my question do you still blame yourself?"

"Yes, I still blame myself but that doesn't mean I'm going to slit my wrist again. Actually I'm going to blame myself until I die." This was a stupid question. She knows the answer to her question but she's still writing down everything I say word by word.

"Why am I going to blame myself until I die? Because if I hadn't got drunk and went to that party and called my best friend to pick me up, maybe she'd still be here. Maybe I wouldn't be a screw up. Maybe I wouldn't be hated. Maybe I'd still have a life in Kentucky. There's a lot of maybes Cassandra. You should know one thing though there were many reasons that drove me to commit. Not just because I lost my best friend and it was my fault but because of another person and too many reasons!"

"Do you want elaborate on what happened April 30th or who this other person is?"

"Do I? No. I've talked way to much about that day and that person will never get the satisfaction of knowing he won."

"Ok then maybe we will discuss it in the future."

"We won't." I state.

"Are the sleeping pills helping?"

"Yeah, about that I need a refill I have 4 left. Enough for tonight and tomorrow night."

"Well Doctor Willis hasn't send that information over. I will request it."