The Last Handful of Clover - Book 1: The Hereafter

1.46 - As Oz Appeared to Dorothy

June 6, 3:50 pm

Keith was sitting in the front seat of Big Bird. And it felt strange.

The instant he got in, he reached down and brought the seat forward as far as it would go. When Pil rode with Michelle, he had to put the seat as far back as he could, and even then it was probably more cramped for him than was comfortable. But for Keith, his feet barely reached the floorboards when the seat was that far back. Pulling the seat forward was a long-standing habit, and he did it automatically.

But Keith couldn't remember the last time he had sat in the front seat when Pil was in the back. It was just so much easier, and so much more comfortable for them all, for Keith to be in the back when the three friends were together. But this time, the big man had just ushered him right into the front seat, and climbed in behind him. Keith could see him in the rear-view mirror to his right. That broad, shaggy head of curly black hair, and a drawn look on his face that he couldn't remember ever seeing.

Being with Pil again made him realize how much he'd missed the big galoot. Michelle had been wonderful, and as supportive as any human being could be. But there was something that was calming and comforting about Pil. There always had been.

As Michelle pulled out of the driveway and headed toward South Temple, he felt the big man reach over the back of the seat and rest his paw on Keith's shoulder. He looked down at it. Pil's hand was dark, and the fingers were as thick as sausages. It looked like a hand that could both crush a beer can and cradle a butterfly. To Keith, in that moment, it looked like the kindest hand in the world, and he allowed his cheek to rest against it, feeling the warmth. Pil squeezed his shoulder gently, and Keith let out a long sigh.

At least I'm not crying anymore, he thought.

And that was true. He had not broken down in tears since this morning, and he was grateful that nobody had been there to see that particularly pathetic episode. Thankfully, the crying and the wailing on the spot where Richard had died had drained him of everything. He didn't feel like he had another tear in him, and the grief had receded to a kind of numbness. In fact, it was worrying that the numbness felt so pervasive. It was like he now saw everything through a haze. Even the sound of Michelle's voice was muted, like she was talking to him from far away. Keith couldn't tell if he should be worried by this new feeling, or grateful for it.

He forced himself to focus on Michelle's words through the fog.

"Keith? Pea, are you there?"

He tried to rise above the haze and even turned his head to force a smile. "I'm here, Pod. Sorry, I think I zoned out there for a second."

She squeezed his hand. He hadn't even been aware that she was holding it as she drove.

He tried to imagine what this was like for them. Michelle and Pil had to feel the pain and despair radiating off of him, and that must be exhausting for them both. Not to mention Michelle's own trauma from the night of the murder. And suddenly, he felt guilty for not thinking of that more often.

"Did you look at the paperwork for the funeral home?" Michelle asked.

It took Keith a second to register the question. "Yeah, I looked. It all looks fine to me."

"Did you remember anything else Richard might have said? About what he wanted for funeral arrangements, I mean?"

Keith had been thinking about that while he waited to catch sight of Big Bird turning the corner at his street. "No, nothing else. Nothing more than I already mentioned, anyway. Like I said, I know he wanted to be cremated. But other than that, I think the only thing he ever mentioned was that he'd like to have some of his ashes buried next to his mother."