Three Hallows, Two Weasleys and One Broken Girl

Chapter 48: Maps Mayhaps

"Oh dear brother mine..."
"...looks like a great prankster is..."
"...attempting to frame us..."
"...using our own products..."
"...suspicious indeed..."
"...is it not?"

Kingsley's flat glare was one of the greatest to grace the British isles.
He levelled them with it and the twins eyed him with sheepish grins as they strode up the steps to the ministry entrance, hands in pockets, as unruffled as ever.
"You won't believe us..."
"...like this, we know that..."
"...but we are truth telling..."
"...If you have veritaserum on hand..."
"...we'll happily prove it."

There was quite a crowd of Aurors by the Diagon entrance by this point and they all looked at Kingsley expectantly. The man shook his head in annoyance and gave a quick nod to his secretary who scurried away.
"Can we see their handy-work..."
"...It looks impressive."
The twins pouted when Kingsley gave them an immediate refusal, only allowing them into the atrium to have the appearance of containing the demons until they could be 'interrogated'.
George looked around in exaggerated interest, ignoring the mixed fury and curiosity the Aurors around were directing his way.
"We'd have thought..." began Fred, and George knew exactly where he was going.
"...with the war and all..."
"...the new administration would have..."
"...updated the security..."
"...pity this prankster got there first..."
"otherwise maybe we could have turned this place...."
"into a zoo Scamanders would be proud of..."
"Not that it wasn't a zoo already..."
"But a zoo of sheep, pigs, and snakes..."
"...isn't a particularly good one."

"It's been a bit busy." Kingsley responded to the jibe, a vein pulsing at his temple. "You try rebuilding an country after a war and fifteen years or more of corrupt and inefficient administration."
They both saluted the point in acknowledgement but before they could continue to tease their fellow order member and minister, a young looking recruit spoke up.
"Sir we've swept up all the...eyes. Do we need to keep them all for evidence or should we vanish them?"
The woman gestured awkwardly to a 15 foot high mountain of googley eyes in the centre of the atrium.
Kingsley send a furious glare at the twins then took a slow, composing breath. "Fill a standard evidence bag and vanish the rest, please Alyssa."
"Naw..."Fred sighed, "those are expensive products..."
Pouting, George sent a doe eyed look Kingsley's way, "...we'll buy them back from you to resell?"
"Shut it." Hissed Kingsley, "you're lucky you two aren't in a holding cell right now. Do not test me."
The recruit seemed to gauge his mood, shifting awkwardly foot to foot, "sir, another thing...though most of the office workers were returned to their human selves...the sheep ears don't disappear with finite incantatem, even the unspeakables are at a loss."
The accusatory glare sent their way turned incredulous. Most people had realised by this point Fred and George were quite talented, but to the level of stumping unspeakables?
The twins could see the edges of doubt forming in the minister's mind, and the veritaserum arrived just in time.

The Secretary adjusted her spectacles, gazing at the minister almost adoringly as she waited for her next instruction. Like a puppy. She was like a female Percy...before he got cool.
"Give then one drop each. You have the antidote?"
"Yes sir!" She strode toward them, giving them a dirty look presumably for teasing her master "Tongues out."
"Yes ma'am!" They answered, mimicking her voice.
The woman seemed to redden before them, but deflated when half the Aurors in earshot choked back laughs. She dropped the liquid on their tongues and the moment it took effect they spoke together.
"We did not prank the ministry today or any day since we started at Hogwarts...we have plotted ways to do so...what do you expect...but we've never carried out a single plan we've come up with since Hogwarts."
There were gasps of surprise, but before any follow up questions could be asked, Fred had snatched the antidote and they were back to normal in a second.
"We're innocent see?"
"Why didn't you say ever?" Asked Kingsley.
Fred exchanged a look with George, "our dad has worked here since we were kids we've been brought to work with him a fair bit, and it would be a lie to say we never got up to mischief."
"Do you know who might have done this?" Pried the minister carefully.
Fred snorted, resisting the potion's residual encouragement for him to answer, "we came to prove our innocence once we heard the news so Aurors wouldn't burst into our shop. Otherwise we aren't going to cooperate further, after all the buyer of all this," he gestured to the mess the atrium had become, "must have been a customer...and we don't exactly disagree with their motives."
"Are we free to go now?" Asked George.
The tired man nodded and he and Fred turned as one to strut back out, free men.

———

"So we know where they grew up. Do we search every river nearby until we find it? This could take months!"
George pressed a coffee into his twin's hands. "Relax. We might have to do that, but we can save time by doing a bit of research. Of course...it said they were travelling, and if that means exploring abroad we're fucked...but we'll worry about that later."
Fred took a slurp of his coffee, the only sign of stress was his index finger tapping out a rhythm on the ceramic mug. It was one of Delphi's, and had FEDEX in blue and red capitals. When he'd asked, she'd said it was the name of a muggle owl service and involved giant metal birds the size of quidditch pitches. George wasn't sure whether to believe her but the mug was big enough for their coffee needs so he didn't complain.

"I miss her too you know." He growled, "but if we want her back we've got to use our bloody brains. For starters, apparition only arrived as a means of transport in Britain with the Indian wix that travelled over with the East India Company back in the 17th century. The floo network was set up even later with the arrival of the Russian Jews to escape persecution in 1881. Not that the muggle ones really escaped much persecution for their faith but they weren't being shot...anyway! Brooms came from Italy at some point in the 16th I think... That means that the only way to travel to Diagon from up north would have been on foot or by horse since thestrals were bad luck!"
"Bloody hell George, when did you learn that?"
"You may have completely ignored the library and written off History OWL, but I certainly didn't." Exclaimed George proudly.
"Smart arse." Grouched Fred, finishing his coffee and looking a lot better for it. "So we need to work out a route from Durham to London that would cross a dangerous river?"
"Seems like a place to start." Replied George with a shrug.
Fred hummed. "I'll go down the Camper's Cartography shop and get us a map."

———

The map didn't tell them much, but the Cartographer did, circling the most dangerous regions of rivers in Durham, the Yorkshires, Nottingham, Lincolnshire, Cambridgeshire and all the way down to Hertford and London.
The woman even pointed out the river renowned as England's deadliest: the Wharfe, a region of which was called 'the Strid' and was believed to be so deadly, none who fell in ever re-emerged (this is true). In fact it was rare even those unfortunate people's bodies would be recovered, lost among the sharp rocks barely hidden by racing currents.
Just upstream from that region was an abbey, Bolton Abbey, one of the key attractions of which was an ancient wooden footbridge (also true). It was worth a shot.

They left the next day, freaking out a little when they found a thestral waiting for them outside their shop. It could only have been the one Delphi flew the night they left Hogwarts. It was strange to realise they'd never actually seen one before, since they had not met one after the battle. They were beautiful.
This one bowed to them slowly, before kneeling and encouraging them to mount it. Doing so hesitantly, Fred first, they yelled when it launched into the air.

"Do you even know where to go?" Asked George, gripping the back of Fred's jacket tightly. The creature snorted derisively, soaring through the sky and completely ignoring the way Fred clutched around its neck tightly.
"One of death's creatures helping us is a bit weird isn't it?" Yelled Fred, loudly over the wind.
George made an indecisive noise, then called back, "this guy was one of Delphi's friends! I suppose he's helping us for her? Besides is it help if we worked out where to go already?"
Fred was about to reply but the horse dipped suddenly and he didn't - in favour of keeping his stomach contents inside. This was so very different than riding a broom, and so much worse.

They both slid sideways off of the creature when it landed, laying in the grass and panting.
Fred lifted himself up on his elbows so he could roll over and vomit.
The thestral made a whinnying sound that felt more like laughter than anything before launching back into the air.
"Never again." Whimpered George.
Fred's only response was a dry heave.