Let You Down |Azriel|

.08.

"I need a favor from you," Rhys sat down next to me at the dining room table as I slowly sifted through my breakfast one morning.

"Anything," I replied while making intense eye contact with the eggs at the end of my fork.

"Feyre seems to trust you."

"I don't know if I'd call it trust, more like desperate need for companionship in a dark hell."

"Regardless, you two bonded Under the Mountain. I'd really appreciate it if you could be at the house above the Court of Nightmares when she spends her time there."

I looked at him and nodded, "Of course, Rhys. Whatever you need me to do, I'll do it."

"I think it might help her if you're there. A friendly presence that she at least knows a little. Mor can winnow you here for training if you'd like."

I stabbed a piece of fruit with my fork and brought it to my lips before using it to point and add emphasis to my words. "I know I should keep at it every day, but I feel like giving myself a brain-break would be beneficial from time to time."

He nodded, "you don't have to push yourself to the max day after day. Don't burn yourself out. Take it at a pace that's suitable for you. You've got backups if you're ever in a shit situation."

"Amarantha showed me how easy it is for someone to take my magic away from me, I don't want to have to rely on it in the worst case scenario. I don't ever want to be powerless again," I played with my hands, already having placed the fork down.

"Lia," Rhys started, but footsteps approached and he turned his attention to the hall.

Az and Cass shoved each other playfully as they approached the table and their place settings appeared within seconds.

"You ready for today, Lia?" Cass leaned over the table and reached for a piece of toast.

"As ready as I'll ever be," I produced a light smile.

"You're doing really well, we're all proud of you," he said as he reached for some fruit.

"You're just saying that so I don't get frustrated and quit on you."

"I'm not, though. I wouldn't have expected you to move so quickly through the skills. Already being at weapons after a month and a half is incredible, you're learning at a fast pace."

"I'd say you may be ready to start flying, soon," Azriel commented, filling up his own plate.

Blood threatened to creep up my face, I took a sip of juice to attempt to wash it away. "Yeah, maybe."

"Tomorrow," Rhys nodded at me before standing from his place and disappearing out the veranda.

I crossed my silverware on my plate and the house whisked it away. "I'll see you guys in a few minutes."

My attire changed from lounge-wear to athletic clothing and I slipped on some sneakers that had decent traction. It wasn't a particularly long walk from my bedroom to the training room, but I somehow got distracted on the way there, anyways. My brain flooded with images of Under the Mountain. I was able to keep the memories at bay most of the time, only falling victim to them at night. For some reason, they came at me full force in the middle of the hallway. My heart started to hammer away and I stumbled over to place my back against the wall, an attempt to ground myself.

The physical tether wasn't enough, though. My vision started to fade and I slid down so that my ass was touching the ground. My breathing quickened and I felt as if there wasn't enough air coming into my lungs. My chest felt like it was burning. I could feel tears streaking my cheeks. It was a rapid shuffle of memories. From the fire burning my hands to the nights with Rhys and Amarantha to the times she would torture me with knives and crush my bones before healing them just to crush them again.

The hands that touched my upper arms were cold. All I could feel were those hands. I couldn't see anything in front of me, my vision remained black, only memories playing in my mind's eye. My body was shaking. I could tell that whoever had touched me had tried to gently shake me, but the tremors were coming from me. They ran their hands up and down my arms. When the attempts had failed, whoever was with me had sat behind me and held tight with one arm while petting my hair with the other hand.

They rocked us slowly. Their fingers curled lightly in my hair. The tight embrace had helped me start to calm down. Had slowly fought the memories. I tried to focus on the sensations I had been feeling. The cool skin that had been absorbing some of my heat. The chest behind me that suggested it was one of the boys who had noticed me. The cool fingers that twirled a lock of my hair 'round and 'round, tracing the natural pattern of my curls. My rapid breathing turned to the choppy breaths that came with the end of a sob session.

My hearing returned to me next. "Breathe, Cecelia, breathe," Azriel soothed again and again as we rocked slowly from side to side.

I tried curling my fingers so that I could regain control of my limbs. Once I recognized that I was able to move, I turned to my side, head on his chest, and remained in a curled up ball, still in his grasp.

"You're okay," he hummed, "just breathe."

My breathing remained choppy and I had grown frustrated due to not being able to get in under control. His fingers continued to curl in my hair and the hand that had been holding me tight moved up and down my back in a slow manner.

"You're okay," he repeated, "you're safe."

I grasped his t-shirt in my fist and continued to cry. Fatigue washing over me like a giant wave crashing onto the shore.