Let You Down |Azriel|

.12.

"I want you to show me how you fight in your beast forms," Cassian requested

My head whipped around as I had my hair in my hands, trying to tie it up. "Uh, and what do you suppose my target should be?"

"Just use me," he shrugged.

"Absolutely not."

"I can dodge."

"Cassian, I will shred you to pieces, and if one of us fucks up? I could shred your wings. I don't want to hurt you, I would hate myself if I hurt you."

"Okay, okay," he held his hands up in surrender. "Why don't you just mime the movements like you do when you learn new hand to hand skills."

I nodded and took my hair down. It was like second nature, shifting into my animal forms. My hands took the form of paws and I became a wild cat. I sat down and awaited further instruction.

"Okay, show me how you would initiate an attack," he gave me ample space.

I stepped to the other side of the room and slipped into the shadows. I didn't know what to call it, but I was able to creep around in my cat form without others seeing me. I prowled low to the ground and when I was in the center of the room, I released my stealth and used my initial swipe before going for various clawing and puncturing maneuvers. Once I had gone through all of my movements, I sat down once more and shifted back into my fae self.

His smile was wide, "that's so cool."

I rolled my eyes with a big smile on my face as well, "I think that it would be really awesome to learn to fly because I can take a pretty decent fall in that form and land unscathed. Imagine how fun it would be to be flying, start a free fall, shift and fall into the shadows right behind my target."

"Fun and lethal for the other guy," he nodded. "Is there much of a difference between your cat and bear forms?"

I nodded, "I've found over the years that the bear form gives me a lot more... protection? It's almost like my skin is armor when I'm in that form. My swipes also cover more space so I tend to use it when I have multiple targets in one spot."

"I thought you said you didn't know how to fight?"

"I don't. Not hand to hand combat, anyways. I can take on other animals in my forms but I've never tried to take on another person before."

"What made you want to learn hand to hand if you can be much more lethal in your beast forms?"

I looked at my hands, a constant reminder of exactly why I hated to rely on my magic. I held them up in front of me and looked at Cassian, "I don't ever want to have to rely on magic again. That bitch showed me how easy it was for my magic to be swiped away from me. How easy it was to be completely powerless. I don't ever want to be powerless again. I don't ever want to be frozen in time while someone tortures me, or decides to take advantage of me. I don't want to rely on my magic because I did that once and I was trapped for 60 years."

His face softened and he walked closer to me, offering a hand to help me up, "I understand. You're doing very well, Lia. We've gone through the very basics of weapon training. Is there anything that sticks out to you that you might want to work with more?"

I pondered that question and glanced over at the weapon rack near the ring. My options ranged from fist weapons to swords and more. My feet carried me across the room and I went to look over all that I had been introduced to in the past month. My eyes landed on one weapon in particular. I picked it up and balanced it in my palm before turning to Cassian and presenting it to him.

"Staves, then?"

I nodded.

"Good, those are fun to work with. You're light on your feet which can help, too. With staves, one of our biggest focuses is fluidity in movement. You can knock someone on their ass very quickly with one fell swoop."

He tried to take it from me but I rapidly twisted it in my hand and held it behind my back. I had a lot of fun with staves.

He cracked a smile, "see, you're doing very well."

"Well enough to kick your ass?" Mor walked into the room with Azriel trailing her.

"Almost definitely not," I laughed.

"You need to give yourself more credit, Lia," Azriel spoke up.

"He's right," Cassian chimed in. "You have the skills, but believing you can use them and use them well, that's the most important part."

I looked down at my feet. It would take a very long time for me to regain some sense of confidence. Amarantha had beat the insecurity into me for six decades. Before that, my parents made me hide who I was entirely. Rewiring my brain to feel accepting about myself and believing in myself would be an entirely different training.

"Why don't we have some lunch and then I can take you out to a part of the mountain that's fairly decent for learning how to fly?" Azriel suggested.

There was no improvement in my ability, or lack there of, to keep the blush from staining my cheeks. I swallowed softly and nodded, hooking my arm through Mor's as we all walked to the dining room. I was finally able to eat more. My plate was stacked with sandwiches and fruit and some crackers. Three meals a day was no longer a struggle. That was, if my nausea wasn't ruling my meal times. I picked at my fruit and drank a few sips of water before crossing my silverware. The only thing in my mind being the moments I was about to spend with the person I couldn't keep out of my thoughts.