Mackenzie's Critique Shop

🌼 December Tryst | Kulinnn_

*Review not edited, watch out for typos.

December Tryst

A story of love, courage and finding passion in life.

Opening comments:

Hi author! Sorry if this took too long to make; I'm a very busy person hehe. But anyway! I'd first like to congratulate you for making this masterpiece and many others! I totally did love it, and I hope it isn't as underrated!

Also a little disclaimer, this may not be my best review since I'm not very keen on reviewing romance.

Don't feel shy to add inline comments if you have any inquiries, reactions or pm me if you have anything you can't understand in my review.

First Impressions:

The quality of the cover looks good, it's clear that the person who made it put great thought into it. Though, the color pallette isn't something I usually see on young adult fiction. The cover looks like a children's book at first glance, I suppose it's because of the vibrant greens in the background and the font. Though once you look closer, you'll see it is well crafted, it just doesn't look like it belongs in young adult.

I suggest changing the font into a more mature tone. The background and color pallette, though it holds a lot of symbolism, may be changed into something that's more suitable for your genre. In my opinion, light green pastels rather than vibrant ones suit better.

For the title, I think it is perfect. From the very moment I saw your title in your form, I was already intrigued. It holds a great feel to it. The word 'December' gives the readers a sense of joy or relief or a cool breeze. By this word we already know or at least have an idea of what to expect. And then the word 'Tryst' gives just enough interest to the reader to make them click on your book. I think you did a great job on the title.

I also heard from a friend, 'Tryst' apparently means: a private romantic rendezvous between lovers. This was absolutely beautiful! I loved the fact that you put so much thought into this title. Great job!

The description is also good. But I've noticed something in the first paragraph.

The second sentence is way too long, and doesn't have commas or breaks. I suggest changing 'ay' into a comma instead. 'Kaya sa katulad ni Anniza na nakukulangan ng pagmamahal mula sa sariling pamilya, napakahirap sa kanyang paniwalaan ang salitang pag-ibig.' I shortened the sentence by simplifying it. I will get to this more on the 'writing' part of the review.

But more than that, I feel something lacking in the description. There was no conflict or plot introduced, and I feel that it is lacking in structure.

A description has to provide: character, conflict, stakes, structure in two hundred (200) words or less. The first part is the introduction, a basic view of your world and your characters. Though be careful not to overuse too much words or add unnecessary details. After it comes the conflict along with the goal, the thing that your characters are pushing through to get. And then the stakes, what will happen if they don't achieve the goal?

This works best on more action-centric or fantasy books, though it also works great on romance.

But, after I have finished your book until the last update, I realize it doesn't really have any conflict given at the beginning. The plot only really starts at the middle, to be honest. So I suggest giving your character a vibe instead. (I'll get more into the lack of conflict in the plot section of this review.) Give your description a feel of what your book is going to be, a lighthearted, comfortable feel for example. Yet all while presenting the story (Anniza getting tied into the three dates).