Mackenzie's Critique Shop

🌼 Between The Intercom | YellowIsBlack

*This review gives all credits to Gelayahhh , who was the one to read, vote and write the critique of this story.

Between The Intercom is a heart-warming tale of Antheia finding love with her socially quiet friend Nathaniel. Together they built and faced the consequences of their feelings. Afterall, the quote "love has no distance" still lives up like a fairytale. So what could go wrong?

Opening Comments:

Hey author! I wanted to say thank you for making such a masterpiece! I really did love and enjoy it!

Don't feel shy to add inline comments if you have any inquiries, reactions or pm me if you have anything you can't understand in my review.

First Impressions:

For the book cover, I actually like it considering that Antheia has a bike of her own that she uses occasionally in the book and also it gives this "neighborhood" vibes.  However I do think that the bicycle is not that strong of an impression or the main focus of the story to be included in the book cover, I suggest that the cover would have this cool color scheme and something that shows the readers what the book is all about such as walkie talkies or telephones! Since the characters do revolve using intercoms most of the time.

The title really got me interested, it's my first time to ever hear the word intercom afterall. I personally love it and the creativity it has! It captured every detail of the story and I couldn't think of anything better to describe how beautiful it is!

The description is where I have opinions.

The poem is what really captured my attention when I first read this book. If you could rephrase the first sentence in a much cooler and eye-catching way.

I asked a friend what she looks forward to in reading the description and she specified that by having a conflict, goal and a short but informative character's description is what makes her know what she's getting into, and I absolutely agree with her. I don't think that just by explaining the whole story to the readers can get their attention very easily. We need to know our characters and If you could rephrase this in a shorter version and emphasize Antheia and Nathaniel's character and personality, this could give the readers a quick skim on their possible chemistry and flow of the story.

For the opening chapter, I usually don't like it when the first sentence starts with a dialogue. If you could use a quote or describe what Antheia is feeling at the moment, it could really make a huge difference in making the readers easily get what they're here for. And as always, if you could add more dialogues or actions rather than explaining what they are doing, that would be absolutely appreciated!

I also got hold of Antheia's personality in the first chapter. I could imagine she is the one who usually chooses a dare and the type who loves adventure. Although the first chapter was rather short on scenes and dialogues, It gave me a quick heads up on what might be the story's flow.

Characterization:

Through the short period of time I have spent reading and skimming through each chapter of the book, I have noticed each character's personality and spirit in each scene.

Antheia- I personally can't say much about her other than a free spirit since I haven't really seen much of her goal and raw personality. I called her a "free spirit", when I recalled the first chapter when she was pranking and running around the neighborhood with her friends and, each time, where she willingly played and talked to Nathaniel and the kid's from chapter 3. I'd really find it more enjoyable if she is somewhat relatable to the readers, such as her with her family and social life.