Mackenzie's Critique Shop

🌸 Shattered Hearts | Chapter-by-Chapter

Shattered Hearts Chapter-by-chapter close up!

*Starting only from chapter 5 because that's the moment I thought up of this

Kabanata 5:

Okay this was a fun chapter with a bit of a sad part towards the end. At first I was a little surprised at the time skip but only then realized you were going for an almost Maalaala Mo Kaya narrative. I'm not sure if that's on purpose but Shattered Hearts really reads like that and it's giving me such an overwhelming sense of nostalgia.

I love that, though. It's familiar and comforting for me (and for those readers who've watched MMK). The part where she and her auntie talks about her father and that once unanswered question was also nice. It gives a sense that every day she's really walking on tightropes and eggshells just to try and ease that grief.

Kabanata 6:

Here are some minor typos I found!

-Naabutan ko roon ang mag-asawa ni Tita Agnes. I'm confused about this part.

-"Bawal sa magkaibigan?" sarkastiko kong tanong. The 'S' in 'sarkastiko' should be capitalized.

-Nilapitan niya ako at kinulit ng kinulat.

Woah this chapter was amazing! I don't normally feel anything at all with love interests in books (especially in Wattpad), but this really made me feel some things. I suddenly remembered all those times I used to be a very very active reader in Wattpad, and occasionally dabbled in tagalog romance stories.

Although the two love interests are the same overused tropes: the comfortable childhood best friend and the new edgy dude that has a soft spot, what are books without tropes? I am still yet to know what differentiates them from the others, so I will not judge yet. However, I am a bit weirded out when Xander gripped Sam's wrist. You could say it took me out of the immersion. Maybe because the first thought I had after that was how cliche it was?

I was kind of hoping for at least a different reaction rather than the usual gripping the wrist thing for absolutely no reason other than badum badum. This could've been an early message to the reader that 'I know this looks like every other Wattpad book, but trust me these characters have more depth to them than you might think.' Because I feel like you make characters of depth on a regular basis. I really love the dialogues of your characters, especially how natural they all sound. I would've wanted a slight hint to the readers about the 'unknown soft personality' of the new edgy dude other than the usual.

For suggestion: he could groan and swat her hand away (annoyed), he could cover his face subconsciously (a little insecure), he could flip to the other side (tired), he could sit up without a word (callous, or maybe not paying as much attention), he could stare straight at her (a bit creepy, a bit funny), she could unconsciously do something funny and he could laugh at it.

But then again, I am writing this as I go through your chapters. And I might be wrong on this one. I don't have any intention to change anything here until I get to the last chapter for authentication purposes though (that doesn't apply to the general review, I do take time to revise and edit that one).

Kabanata 7:

Okay so this chapter was nice. It was definitely funny and I loved the interactions between the characters. Usually I would've said something about the mundane-ness of it but this one was actually pretty entertaining. Although maybe cut down a bit on the first parts when they were simply talking as they waited for the boys. Maybe start it when they've already arrived? It's just that mundane things really make the readers question what the reason was for this scene, or if it enhances/moves the plot in any way. You don't want them to ask this question, because that'd mean they're starting to get bored.