An Unequalled Affection

Part 18

Jane had remained in her room all day, taking meals on trays and sending word on occasion that she was "perfectly well" or "a little tired" and to the rest of her family that seemed a perfectly acceptable explanation for her absence.

Only Elizabeth could not stand it. She fretted and fidgeted and felt quite certain that Jane was perfectly well - aside from raging against her. How can I even consider celebrating my relationship with Mr Darcy when I am estranged from my closest sister and dearest friend?

At last, she could bear it no more and with the rest of her family contentedly amusing themselves elsewhere in the house, she crept upstairs to Jane's room, pausing outside the door to gather her courage and knocking before she was quite ready.

"Who is it?"

Lizzy frowned, biting her lip before giving her response. Jane did not sound unduly angered, nor unwell, nor anything other than herself. Still, she wondered if all that would change once she revealed it was she - Elizabeth - who knocked.

"It is me," she ventured at last, swallowing hard against the lump that had formed in her throat. "Lizzy. I - I wanted to make sure you were quite well, Jane, and you have not been downstairs, so I thought -"

Before she could even finish blundering her way through a rambling justification for her disturbance, the door swung open and Jane herself stood there, looking at her with an expression that might, on less gentle features, be called mocking.

"Then I suppose you must come in and see for yourself I am not fading away."

It was not the warmest invitation she might have received, but it was at least a little kinder than she had expected. Lizzy hesitated no more than a moment before hopping across the threshold and pushing the door closed behind her. She surveyed the room, hoping to discern some insight into Jane's state of mind from its state of disarray but it was as neat and orderly as ever, betraying nothing. Only the bedsheets remained a little rumpled as if to demonstrate that Jane had not been entirely lying when she had claimed a desire to sleep.

Lizzy's early morning was beginning to catch up with her, too, and she forced her gaze away from the bed, lest she found herself drawn to crawl into it and close her eyes for just a moment.

"Papa said that you were well," Lizzy ventured when a long silence had settled over the room. "I wished to see for myself." She paused. "And to apologise, for everything - for this morning." Now that she had made mention of their last dreaded interaction, it was as if the floodgates were opened and Lizzy's words tumbled out one after another. She abandoned any attempt to censor herself, thinking, rightly, that honesty was indeed the best policy and the only thing that would win Jane back to her side.

"I did know there was speculation of a duel but I did not think it would come to anything. I remained certain it was talk, only, but hurried to the clearing just in case it was not. You know men do not always seek to settle disagreements with words when they might be settled with violence, even though Darcy assured me he would do all he could to keep anyone from coming to harm. He was torn, you see, for Colonel Fitzwilliam is his cousin and Mr Bingley his friend, although I think he is quite disappointed that Mr Bingley allowed things to escalate as they did, he so goaded Colonel Fitzwilliam, and -"

"Lizzy!" Jane spoke sharply, with a note of humour in her voice, and both the suddenness and brightness of her expression forced Lizzy to stop all at once.

"Take a breath!" Jane laughed, gesturing to the bed. "And sit down, before you fall. You must be quite as exhausted as I am, if not more so, for you have not kept to your room all day, as I have done." Jane's cheeks warmed, tinged with pink, but her smile was kind, her eyes bright with gentle teasing. "I hear that you have spent a good part of the day in Mr Darcy's company, and as he seems to be your authority on all that happened this morning I suppose I mustn't wonder. How long, pray, has he been your chief counsel and confidant?"

"My chief -?" Lizzy frowned, before realising she had betrayed herself as well as if she had spoken upfront of all that had happened. "Oh, Jane, it is so wonderful! You know that I realised, belatedly, so foolishly late, that I care for him. At least I am not alone in that, for he said just the same." She could not begin to keep her smile from her face and after attempting to conceal it behind her shoulder and then behind a hand, she gave herself up to it. "I am so happy!" Her eyes fixed on Jane, her demeanour changing in an instant, and she flung herself face-first into the quilt. "It makes me the worst sister in all of England!"

Jane's musical laughter, the sound Lizzy had longed to hear all day and feared lost forever, was all it took to make her struggle upright once more, flustered and confused.

"It isn't funny. It's most dreadful of me to be exulting in my love when you are still reeling from this morning. I give you direct leave to despise me, only - only please don't, for you are my dearest sister and friend and I do not believe I can live in a world where we are at odds." She swallowed a miserable sob, feeling as if she had run the gamut of human emotions in a minute and a half and was left quite wrung out.

"Oh Lizzy, I could never despise you!" Jane said, perching comfortably next to Elizabeth and putting an arm around her. "I should never have spoken to you the way I did. It is certainly me who must ask your forgiveness and I do so now." She dropped a penitent kiss on Lizzy's cheek. "I am sorry. It was wrong of me to pin any degree of blame for the chaos that surrounded me this morning on you. I know you are not to blame and that you tried to help." Her smile stretched thin. "Even if that help did not help at all."

Lizzy shrugged, sheepishly.

"It might have if they had listened to me."

Jane reached up a hand to smooth the curls that had become utterly dishevelled by Lizzy's rolling around on the bed.

"It is over now. No matter." She drew a shaky breath. "I have written them both and told them exactly what I think, so that's an end to it." She gestured to the empty expanse of her room. "And do you see? No great bouquets have arrived, no theatrical apologies or pleading for forgiveness from either one. I believe I have made myself clear and they have accepted me at my word."

Lizzy nodded, watching Jane carefully out of the corner of one eye. She claimed contentment with this current state of affairs but Lizzy could not help but wonder if that was bravado. She had written letters in a fit of pique, as both Bingley and Colonel Fitzwilliam had demanded a duel in a fit of pique, none of them ever truly expecting anything to come of it. At least, not anything that could not be mended. Lizzy thought, ruefully, of Colonel Fitzwilliam's plan to leave Hertfordshire as soon as he was able and opened her mouth to suggest that Jane might rethink her strategy, but one glance at her sister's face dissuaded her from doing so.

The mere accusation of interfering was almost enough to cost me my sister. I shall not tempt fate by risking anything more.

"You must be hungry," Lizzy said after a moment. "Cook made a big batch of shortbread this afternoon and I am sure Lydia and Kitty haven't eaten it all. Let's go and see what remains!"

Smiling, both girls clambered off the bed and crept downstairs, skirting the parlour and making straight for the kitchen, holding their breath the whole way there in hopes they might manage the journey without being discovered by the rest of their family.