Without The Grace

My boyfriends murderer

The air between Ezekiel and myself was much lighter than it had been.

We would talk and joke for long periods of time before my brain finally started working and I would remain mute.

It felt strange to talk to him though I wanted to.

I wanted to and I didn't want to. I didn't know what I was doing but talking was a good distraction. I knew that I couldn't do anything about Kenneth being gone. I had to keep moving and finish what I started. I had to stay alive and get back to Alex.
Mourning Kenneth would come later.

If Alex knew what I was doing, he would be so ashamed of me. I missed Alex. Walking with another guy next to me besides Alex or Kenneth took some getting used to.

I thought back to when I had first met Alex.

"Ms. Nicoal." I said raising my hand.

"Yes, Aaliyah?" responded Ms. Nicoal.

"Is it time to rally up the gold stickers?" I had already counted mine in my head so I knew exactly how many I had. I just wanted to know how many the twerp in front of me had.

I hated his guts. Sure we had never spoken, but I just knew I didn't like him. He was always trying to outdo me in class.

I knew I was Ms. Nicoal's favorite so there was no point in him even trying. At the end of each month, we would add up all our gold stickers and the winner got to pick a prize from the treasure box.

This would be the first month and I was extremely excited.

My performance well exceeded everyone else's. And my father always told me I was much more intelligent than the rest of my classmates.

"Thank you for reminding me." Ms. Nicoal said smiling. "We'll do it just before class ends."

I smiled and clasped my hands together on top of my desk, though on the inside I was practically dying.

I couldn't concentrate on anything she said for the rest of the lesson.
When she called on me to answer a question. I was at a loss for words.

It was the first time I didn't have anything to say when asked by a teacher.

The twerp in front raised his hand. Alex was his name.

"I know the answer Ms. Nicoal." He announced.

After giving a perfect explanation of what she was looking for, he turned around smirked at me.

I stuck my tongue out at him and went back to my work which I was now behind on.

Finally, Ms. Nicoal concluded the lesson and announced that she was going to add up the gold stars.

I was antsy in my seat. Tapping my fingers and shaking my leg.

Two minutes passed, then three, then four. Five minutes later she stood with a huge grin on her face.

I sat up straighter in my seat.

"It seems we have a tie." She declared.

My face fell.

"Alex..." she said and I gasped. "And Aaliyah."

I smiled but inside I was burning with anger. He was always taking what was mine.

Ms. Nicole told us we could go to the back of the class to the treasure box.

I smiled triumphantly at Alex when she gave me the key to unlock it.

We both grabbed the large stuffed panda bear...

And the rest is history. I told all this to Ezekiel as we walked. He found my territorial five year old self hilarious.

"We'll be at your fathers safe house by tomorrow." Ezekiel informed me.

I smiled. "Finally. I'm tired of walking. I've never walked so much in my life."

"Yeah. And I'll be happy to finally be rid of you. I've never heard somebody talk so much in my life." He joked.

I punched his arm. "Don't make me kill you right here. I know karate."

He snorted. "Like that'll kill me." He challenged.

I dropped the bags I was holding. "Drop the tent." I challenged.

He raised his eyebrows at me. "You want to fight me? Right now?" He clarified.

"That's what it looks like right?" I questioned.

He laughed. "I'll make you a deal. When we're in Solveige and you're queen, you can challenge me to a duel."

I frowned and sat in the grass. Ezekiel sat across from me.

"What's wrong?" he said.

"What are you gonna do when we get there?" I asked him.

He shrugged. "I don't know. Become a rich civilian. With my father gone, I'll inherit his life savings and stuff."

"Do you really want to kill your own father?" I asked him earnestly.

His face hardened. "What father?" he spat. "That man has never been a father to me. When I was twelve, he tried to sell me. The only thing that stopped him was my mother."

I scooted closer, it was getting darker. "Where's your mother now?" I asked Ezekiel.

He looked away. I couldn't imagine what he was looking at. The forest was too dark to see much of anything.

"Nothing."

He looked up at me and I could see hurt and longing in his eyes.
We were sitting very close. I could see flecks of silver in his eyes reflecting off the moonlight.

I wondered what it would be like to kiss him. I wondered how Kenneth would feel if he was looking down on us.

I could tell Ezekiel wanted to kiss me and I didn't know how I felt about that.

The way he had enough nerve to even want to kiss me when he had killed my boyfriend.
I couldn't believe I was even entertaining the idea. Tears came to my eyes.

I jumped up when he started moving closer.

I brushed myself off as I tried to hide my blush.

"Maybe we should get going." I suggested avoiding his eyes as I picked up a tree branch instead of my bag.

I wiped at ny face.

Ezekiel was still on the ground looking down intently at the dirt.
I started walking in the direction of the ocean.

I couldn't believe I had almost kissed my boyfriends murderer.