Lighting a Match in the Rain

Chapter Forty-Two

"Come on, it'll be fun," Julian insisted, his voice high pitched and pleading.

"Julian, in case you've forgotten, I don't really have any friends anymore," I chuckled, though humor wasn't present.

His face on the phone screen was a little blurry from the poor connection but I still managed to catch his eyes roll. "Yes you do, stop being so dramatic. I've spent the last three months trying to get you out of this depressive episode."

"I'm not depressed," I insisted, falling back onto my bed.

"Maybe not, but you've definitely lost some sparkle," he assured me.

December, January, February, and half of March had come and gone. Everyone at school kept going on and on about how fast our senior year was flying by, but to me, it felt like it was dragging on. These past months had felt like years.

I'd left the student council completely. My heart hadn't been in it anymore. Keeping perfect grades and being a perfect role model for everyone else just wasn't important to me anymore. When I returned to school after my suspension, I used the council as a distraction. I'd put all of me back into it and it was easy since Reed hadn't been attending, but it only took three days in to realize I wasn't finding what I was looking for.

I'll never forget the look on Mr. Laken's face the evening after school I'd met him in his office to let him know I was leaving my position. It was pretty identical to the look he'd given me when he'd taken me to his office after punching Abie, (who had been ignoring my existence by the way). She apparently told Laken that she was leaving council as soon as she was brought into the office after our fight.

When Laken asked me who I felt should fill my President position, I'd been shocked. Here he was, completely disappointed in the actions that I'd been making, yet he still respected my opinion enough to ask. It had taken me a minute of silence and more than a few deep breaths to answer, but once I managed, I'd told him, "Reed."

Reed hadn't attended meetings in months, but I remembered the excitement in Reed's eyes when he'd tell me about his ideas. He had so much potential in leading a student body and an organization. I also knew he still had a lot to offer this school. So that day, I'd left Laken with that thought and exactly a week later, I got the news that Reed had returned to the council and taken the president position.

I hadn't spoken to him since the evening he walked out of my bedroom. The truth was, I missed him with everything in me, but I'd swallow poison before admitting that to him. I could hardly stand the silence but that didn't mean I'd be the first to speak. It was him who didn't choose me.

At least I could be proud of him from a distance.

In the time since getting suspended, I'd at least kept myself in school. I was no longer obsessed with keeping perfect grades, but I still cared enough to put more than a little effort in. Though if I was having a more unmotivated day than usual then I was easy on myself and skipped some classes.

I'd also tried rekindling my friendship with Kinsley, but something was off and it just wasn't the same. There had been too many disagreements and arguments between us with everything that had happened with Reed and Ricky. We talked every day, but she'd recently clicked really well with Mallorie, so we weren't as close as before. High school best friends don't last forever anyway, right?

"Please?" Julian asked me again from our video call. "We are going to build a big bonfire and everything. I'll bring stuff for s'mores," he sang.

I sighed, closing my eyes, picturing that beautiful, shimmering lake and the walls of hard rock surrounding most of it. But where there was beauty, I also saw the darkness, the bitter cold, and the pain. "Do you even know what happened the last time I was at that lake, Julian?" I asked, my voice softer and quiet.