Chapter 20

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AMIYA'S POV

6:30am...

7:30am...

8:30am...

My head is overwhelmed with thoughts and at this point it is pounding. One side of me doesn't want to be here. All I want to do is pack up and leave. Go hug my mum. Go back to to the life I had before. I can't lie to myself it wasn't perfect but nevertheless everything still fell into place. I had a boyfriend everybody wanted. Even though he was messed up. My best friend was irreplaceable. In the fall I was supposed to go to my dream college. Everything was set out and my life was on a straight path.

However that's the problem. A road can't go straight forever so I don't know why I expected my life to go smoothly. I thought I knew what I wanted and boy was I wrong but why should I wait for Jordan to come around and mess everything I've worked for my whole life.

The other side of me wants to stay. Hear what he has to say. I've already worn my heart on my sleeve so I might as well finish what I started. This trip was definitely not supposed to go like this but ever since I met him I've felt a spark of excitement inside of me. He makes me feel wanted and special.

I'm just delusional though. He said it himself. We are not dating. I honestly thought that something was going to happen in between us but he is made it clear that he doesn't go for girls like me. So what's keeping me here? Well I like him more than I should. Enough to give him whatever he wants. Enough to tell him I don't care about what I want but only what he does. I would become the girl he wants. I know it's not healthy that's why I should leave. Leave as quick as I can buy it seems as if I am glued to him.

I know this isn't healthy thinking but that's what you do when you like someone. You would do anything to make them happy. I'm scared to think this aloud but this side of me may even love him. I haven't known him for long but I just know something is different. It's not the same way I loved Nathan. Nathan was different. That's wasn't real. It's just sad it took me a long time to realize. Everything happens for a reason and if I wasn't with Nathan who knows whether I would be in Paris and who knows whether I would have met Jordan.

I've always been so good at hiding my feelings but it's so different when I'm with him. The anticipation is killing me and his answers better be worth the wait.

I stumble out of bed and head back to the bathroom to brush my teeth. He said we would talk over breakfast but I can't smell anything. Guess he may be sleeping or something. I look like such a mess. My hair is all knotted and I have dark patches under my eyes. Last night seems so long ago. The alcohol I had was not helping with the decisions I was making but I need to know. I need to know what he is thinking. If he feels the same way as I do. That's the only way I would be able to clear my thoughts. Free myself from all these questions.

After assessing how bad I looked I decided my shower couldn't wait till after breakfast. I stripped down and let the water slide onto me. It felt so good to wash some of the filth off me. My mind cleared up a bit but I still wasn't satisfied. I definitely needed a bit of concealer and mascara today even though I wasn't very much of a makeup girl like Kate was. I picked to wear a summery dress since I could feel how warm it is outside from past the curtains. I tied my hair up into a high bun because I didn't feel like playing around with it today.

Heading downstairs the nerves started to build up again. All this anticipation and it was finally time to hear what he has to say. I keep my fingers crossed and say a silent prayer. I hope everything goes well. Wait I didn't think about this properly. What if everything does go well? This is just a holiday. Will that make me take that gap year he was talking about? This is a bad idea. I shouldn't confront him. I shouldn't ask him anything...but I need to know this anticipation is killing me.

I still couldn't smell anything. It's not like I could eat anyway. My stomach was all knotted. As I got closer to the dining room table I came to find there was nothing on it but a folded paper with my name on it. It was simple but it made my heart pound:

Meet me in the rose garden beautiful x

More anticipation grew inside of me but where on earth was the rose garden? At that moment I looked up to find that there was a trail of roses behind the glass sliding door. My heart was racing. It was probably already at the garden waiting for the rest of my body to arrive. These are the little things that make me love him. Nathan only did things like this when he was hiding.

What if Jordan is doing the same thing though but I am just blind to it? What if he is hiding something and he just doesn't want me to find out no matter what. That's why he is hiding behind all of this. I need to keep my thoughts positive. I've never been this side of his house before. I never actually got a chance to explore the garden because he always kept me busy all I knew was it was really big.

It wasn't long till I got to the end of the trail and the view was beautiful. Somehow I had left his garden and had wondered onto a cliff like surrounding and at the bottom of it all was a shore. The water looked like glass and the beach looked like each piece of sand was hand picked. I knew the beach was close but I didn't know it was this close.

A small table stood near the end of the cliff covered in s white cloth. The table was thoughtfully decorated with food and there was the last rose on the chair.

Finally I looked up to see the purpose of me being here and I almost fainted from the nerves raging inside of me after my eyes met his green eyes.
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