𝗪𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗔𝗕𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗨𝗦 ? (wlw)

⚘᠂ 𝗕𝗥𝗨𝗜𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗕𝗬 𝗬𝗢𝗨

ellie grazer
| 𝗕𝗥𝗨𝗜𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗕𝗬 𝗬𝗢𝗨 |
#. 022

𝗜 𝗠𝗔𝗡𝗔𝗚𝗘𝗗 to make it to the nearest bathroom before the vomit came shooting out of my mouth. I ran straight to the first cubicle I could find and crumbled to my knees as I hunched over to throw up. I hadn't eaten a thing so I was dry heaving with only a little stomach acid coming out.

Tears crawled down my cheeks as my body jerked in the bowl . Between my heaves, I sobbed. So hard. I didn't care about the amount of noise I was creating. I just sobbed. My face was on fire from my tears but it didn't stop the flow. The pounding in my head wasn't even as close to the pain of the deep tears in my heart.

The betrayal and the fact my life felt so ruined, all swam inside of me. I'd lost everything. I'd been stripped of all my deepest secrets and I felt so betrayed. It was her actions that really dug deep inside of me because it was the fact that I trusted her so much in opening up and this is what happened. It didn't feel like her at all. I'd never known Alina to do such a despicable thing but here she was, going against all my character judgements.

I was so torn apart. I couldn't stop my tears. My body was overheating and too make matters worse I started to feel like I couldn't breathe. My stomach was clenching but I knew that I was done with my heaving. I pulled the chain and sat back against the wall, now sobbing incessantly.

I pulled my shirt off to hopefully cool down but I still felt so sweaty. My cheeks were hot and damp and my chest was hurting. I clutched the fabric in my hand while now desperately trying to take control of my breathing. The cubicle was smaller now and I stared at the floor, in hope of it making breathing easier. It didn't. It felt like a rodent was trying to claw it's way out from my airways.

I forced myself to take in air slowly, even though it felt like I wasn't getting any at all, I knew the human anatomy. I was getting air, it just felt like I wasn't. I prevented the sheds of panic, that were begging to be let out, and forced myself to take in the slow, long drags of air. I only really started to make progress with this after a long minute of repeated breathing and finally started to taste oxygen again.

I went easy on myself and took back more and more breaths at the same pace. The tears had been coming throughout all of this and I now finally started to wipe them away. I still felt so suffocated and my emotions had only really just been heightened. I breathed through my teeth, now trying to contain my sobs as I pulled my shirt back over my head, my body now beginning to cool down.

I rested my arms in my lap and pulled my legs up, allowing the tears to glide down my cheeks. I was so exhausted now. My head hurt so bad. I didn't even know where to start in fixing all of this. How could I even speak to my Mom? My family? How did the video spread this fast? God, why did she do this to me?

I knew we weren't on good terms at all but I was never going to tell people that we had sex, it wasn't even a thought that crossed my mind. I understood she was drunk but it wasn't an excuse. My life was fucking ruined. And I felt so betrayed.

⚘᠂

With one more wipe to my cheek, I unlocked the bathroom door. It was pretty clear about what had taken place in that stall, I mean, my red eyes and puffy cheeks said it all. The bathroom was pretty much empty, apart from me, and I stepped towards the row of mirrors and sinks and stared at myself in the mirror. It was a hard sight to stare at so I couldn't do it for long. I turned the tap on and cupped my hands under the running water where I bent down and dipped my head into my hands. The cool water chilled my face and I stayed with my head down for a few moments before raising it as soon as I heard the sound of the door opening.