all the hurtful words || merlin

chapter four: without him

Arthur had finally come up with the perfect apology for Merlin. He replayed what he'll say several times in his head, so he surely wouldn't mess it up when the it was time to actually say it out loud.

But Merlin didn't return. Seconds turned into minutes, the minutes into hours without any other sound but his own breathing, and the snoring of the Knights. Arthur - no matter how much he didn't want to confess it, not even to himself - was worried about his servant. What if something happened to him? What if he was attacked, or kidnapped?

After a few minutes he decided: he'll go and see what's going on. He woke up Lancelot, who was half asleep when the King first explained why did he disturb him, but when he did it the second time his face went dead serious, nodded and immediately took Arthur's place being on guard. And in that very moment both of them heard panting coming from the woods, and they turned around just to see Merlin pop up.

Arthur felt the intoxicating feeling of relief for a moment. Merlin was alive, there, in one piece. Even a small half-smile appeared on his face. However a second later the young warlock collapsed.

Their hearts shrank.

"Merlin!" Lancelot shouted running up to him. To the loud noised the rest of the Knights woke up as well. They were angry to be woken up like this in the middle of the night, but when they saws the reason they all went silent, and helped Lancelot to carry him on some blankets. There was no need for a bunch of Knights: the boy was so skinny that anyone of them could lift him with only one hand.

Arthurs smile and relief was like it never existed. He knelt down to the unconscious Merlin, while Lancelot was holding his head. He was pale, even paler than he usually was, breathing heavily, sweating and..

"My Lord" Leon pointed to the arrow "he was attacked"

Arthur frowned to hide the tears that were gathering in his eyes. His mind wanted to panic, cry and shout, but he couldn't freak out now. Not when Merlin's life was at stake. He tried to calm his hyperventilating, and think logically. How could he have been so stupid to let him go to the woods alone this late? How could he say all those things to him? What if he looses him? What if he'll lose Merlin, and the last things he had said to him were the most false things that could leave his mouth?

As Lancelot was holding him Gwaine noticed something: sweating. It was pretty visible and still no one pointed it out. It wasn't normal for someone wounded to be sweat, was it? The problem should've been that he's cold, and needed external things to warm him up..then why did he look like he was hot?

The Knight felt his forehead, and his eyes widened.

"We need to get him to Gaius. Right now" he said and his heart shrank as he put the puzzle pieces together "The arrow is poisoned"

Merlin shivered in pain, as if he was to prove Gwaines point.

Arthur had no longer have that straight mask on his face. Even though he would have never said it out loud, his feelings were written all over his face: he was scared and worried for his manservant. He couldn't even bare a single thought of losing him. If he died, who would call him a prat and a clotpole? Who would annoy the hell out of him in the most enjoyable and loving way?

He stood up and turned his vision to the horses. He could not see him suffering."Then we have no time to lose"

Not even ten minutes have passed when Arthur, Gwaine, Leon, Percival and Elyan were galopping back to Camelot. Merlin was shaking all over in front of Arthur during the whole journey, which was just a motivation for him to go faster. They were travelling on one horse thanks to Arthurs fierce opposition when Percival had suggested that he will carry Merlin. No. Arthur had abandoned him once. He wont commit the same mistake again.

It was dawn when they had finally reached the borders of Camelot. Arthur immediately rushed into Gaius' chambers with Merlin in his hands. He was still unconscious, his head dangling. The old physician was already awake, but since he did not expect anyone to come and see him in such an early hour, he shivered to the loud noise and torned towards it. When he saw the desperate look on Arthurs face, and his young apprentice in his hands, he knew something went terribly wrong on the hunting trip.

"Lay him there, Sire" he said, and Arthur did so. Gaius quickly gathered all his medical materials and sat on a chair next to Merlin. It was horrible to see him that way. His face was pale, too pale and his pulse wasn't so promising either. It was slow. Very slow.

Gaius quickly, took out the arrow, and immediately placed a cloth on its place intending to stop the bleeding. Merlin had a painful grimace on his face as the arrow was removed, but nothing more of a reaction. The man dripped a piece of old clothing into cold water and placed it on Merlins forehead to help control his fever, which he had noticed while checking his pulse, and came to the same conclusion as Gwaine: the arrow was poisoned.

At this very moment, Lancelot and Gwaine stormed into the room.

"How is he?" Lancelot asked trying to see Merlins face properly.

"The same. Gaius had just started examining him." Arthur replied not even looking at his Knight. The only person who existed for him was Merlin.

When the bleeding had finally stopped, Gaius lifted up Merlins shirt, just to reveal even more scars. A lot of more scars. There was a huge burning on his chest, scratches, wounds that looked like they were caused by animals, claw prints...everyone gasped to the look of them. Everyone but Arthur.

He felt ashamed. Guilty. Like he had failed as a King, as a master and as a friend. How could he not notice how many things Merlin had been through? How could he be so blind and stupid? He thought Merlin was an open book to him, and that he had known everything about his life. Turns out he was wrong. So, terribly wrong. He always thought that the servant boy spent most of his time in the tavern, but these kinds of wounds do not come from fights in there. No, Merlin got them somewhere else, and he didn't even notice. He could have thrown up to the thought of how did he behave with his friend. Not his servant, his friend. His best friend, on top of that.

Lancelot eventually placed his palm on Arthurs shoulder "Gaius asked us to go now. He says that Merlin needs rest. He was given some kind of antidote for the poison, so accoording to him he shall be better tomorrow" Lancelot turned around once more to see Merlin and thank Gaius for everything before he left the chambers just like Gwaine did a few minutes ago.

The King shuddered as he realised that he had zoned out, and got lost in his endless ocean of thoughts. Merlin didn't seem to shake anymore and almost looked peaceful as he slept. Despite of the bloody cloth on his side, and all the scars on him.

"I know you're worried Sire, so am I, but until he wakes up there's nothing we could do" whispered Gaius and he got a nod in response.

"You're right" his voice was raspy "Thank you" he was coming back tomorrow, first thing in the morning- he thought as he walked away. Leaving Merlin was the last thing he wanted, but he knew he was in good hands. And also Arthur decided to ask Merlin about his scars. He needed to know. And of course, how he was attacked. And by whom.

The old physician let out a tired smile and changed the compresse on Merlins forehead.

"You have to survive this Merlin. Because if you don't, I'm not sure if we will"