all the hurtful words || merlin

chapter five: all figured out

Gaius felt like time had stopped. The evening simply  did not want to pass, just like Merlins fever. The minutes felt like hours while doing the never ending cycle: sinking the cloth in cold water, putting it on Merlins forehead, and waiting for it to heat up. Then it started again. And again.

It wasn't even dawn when the old physician heard knocking on the door. A second later Lancelot stepped into the room.

He walked up to Merlins bed. The boy still looked pale, but not as badly as he was in the forest.

"How is he?" the Knight asked and took the cloth from Gaius' hand giving him a break.

"His fever is still high, but the wound isn't bleeding anymore" the man answered as he watched Lancelot putting the cold cloth on his forehead.

"And can his magic do nothing to help him heal?" he asked a lot quieter, not even taking the risk of someone hearing their conversation.

"It's already doing its job. Otherwise it wouldn't have been likely for him to survive the arrow and the poison as well for so long" Gaius explained, and both of them fell into silence.

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Arthur couldn't sleep properly that night. He was awake most of the time, and those rare occasions when he fell asleep we're not relaxing at all.

He was having nightmares. Nightmares of losing Merlin, of him dying in his arms. And he couldn't do anything. He didn't do anything.

"You're only to blame" Merlin whispered to him as Arthurs vision was blurry from the tears

"No I- I never meant to hurt you I swear!" he said to the dying boy who just laughed.

"Then why did you treat me like this? I thought you were my friend. This is all your fault"

The King woke up again, sweating and hyperventilating. He looked around. It was just another dream. Another nightmare, nothing more.

He didn't want to and couldn't go back to sleep, so as impatient he was he went down and knocked on Gaius' door. He needed to see Merlin. He had to make sure he was still alive.

Inside, Merlin was conscious again, with still high fever, so he could barely keep his eyes open. Lancelot wanted to ask him about his scars as he was changing the cloth on his forehead nonstop, when they heard knocking on the door.

Gaius went to open it and got really surprised when he saw Arthur on the other side.

"What can I do for you Sire at a time like this?"  The physician asked, but the reason of the Kings visit was pretty obvious.

"I came to see Merlin"

A large stone fell from his heart when he saw his idiotic manservant being conscious. He greeted Lancelot with a nod, which the Knight returned.

"How are you Merlin?" Arthur asked not even trying to hide his concern.

The warlock forced out a weak smile "Never better" he said with a raspy voice.

Arthur smiled a little, but his face soon became very serious. He sat down next to Lancelot, and nervously for his blonde hair out of his eyes.

"Look Merlin..I want to apologise. Listen carefully because I won't be doing this any time soon" he mumbled the last sentence but his voice became serious again "I am truly sorry for the way I've been treating you. You're more to me than my manservant, you're my friend. My best friend and you didn't deserve the kind of behaviour you got from me at all. I always thought I was a good friend, but look at me. I didn't even notice your scars-" he said and Merlins blood froze. He knew about his scars?

"So the whole point is just that I apologise" Arthur said finishing his little speech and finally looking into Merlins eyes "I hope you can forgive me"

Lancelot and Gaius looked at each other as they were listening to the conversation. Without words they discussed how they had never heard Arthur speaking like this to someone. Never.

The young servant was amazed. Was that really he big, careless Arthur Pendragon he knew? Because it sounded nothing like him. He was amazed by how openly and seemingly truly his friend talked to him so a warm smile was spread across his face.

"If I say yes, will you not ask me about my scars?" He asked trying to bargain, but obviously it did not work.

"In your dreams. I want- I NEED you to tell me how did you get those" he corrected himself which made Merlin chuckle a little.

Lancelot nodded to Arthurs words
"Yes, I'd like to hear that too. And also that how did you end up like this" said Lancelot as he put the cloth back into the freezing water.

Merlin sighed. There was no way out of this."Can we wait for the others please? I'm guessing they want to hear it as well and I really don't want to tell it twice"  he wanted to say "I don't have the strength" but the King, the physician and the Knight were already worried for him and he didn't want to pour oil to the fire.

Arthur nodded "Okay, we'll wait for the But I want to hear the truth. The whole and complete truth"

It was almost midday when the Knights finally gathered in Gaius' chambers and Merlin could began to tell his story. He did talk about it with Gaius earlier and he agreed to tell his biggest secret as well: being a warlock.

So he started from the begging. From the first day he came to Camelot, the Great Dragon, his destiny, Nimueh and all the horrible things he had to face during the years. Due to his fever he spoke rather slowly, but the Knights and Arthur were listening patiently.

When he finished speaking he felt tired. Like he just ran five circles around Camelot. Gaius spotted this and pushed him back to his pillow and told him to rest.

The Knights were speechless. It was so much at once that they couldn't even remember everything the boy had said. The most triggering was however the big truth: that Merlin was a sorcerer.

Weird enough that nobody was angry with Merlin. They could understand after everything he had told them why he kept it a secret. Even Lancelot acted like he just found out the truth.

Arthur was quiet, while the other discussed the heard things between themselves. The King was once again fascinated by how little did he know about Merlin, when he thought he knew everything. He just realised how much the boy had done for him, and how did he pay it back? By being a clotpole. A dollop-head. An ass. The guilt inside him grew again. He didn't even think about being mad at Merlin. Why would he be? Everyone has secrets. And Merlin had a good reason to keep his.

"Arthur don't be so sad" he suddenly heard Merlins voice inside his head "We both made mistakes in the past, yes. But who cares? From now on we can start over. If you want"

The King smiled at the young servant, whose eyes didn't even open as he was telling these things to him. It was one of those moments, when Merlin was the wiser one between the two of them.

Later Arthur made sure that this could never happen again. He had to kill Mordred. And now, for real.

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hii so this is the end of this little "book" I hope it was enjoyable a bit haha

tell me if i made any mistakes, or just suggestions so in the uture i can be better:))

lex:))