PRIDE » Zarry ✅

2: Stranger to Secrecy

I grew up in a very big house. A mansion to be precise. Because my father wanted me to grow up to be like him and do everything he did, everything I wanted, he gave me. If there was a toy I wanted for christmas, I got it. When I wanted my own car, he bought it. When I chose a school away from him, he didn't like it but he did it. When I chose to stay two years after I graduated, he let me. I'm not so sure why he did it, but a part of me believes that he believed it would bring us closer. That I would be twice as likely to grow up to become his spitting image.

But unknown to him, I didn't. My father is the furthest thing from gay. I hate to call him homophobic but if I was being honest, he is. What else could I call it when he compartmentalizes homosexuals based on harmful stereotypes?

Homophobic people can be quite dangerous. It's not always just words either. Sometimes it becomes physical. And who knows how my father would've reacted? Sure, he had never been an abusive man. But chances were just something I could not and would not take.

So a couple months later when my father presented the keys to a home he wanted me to have, I didn't argue. In fact, I gladly excepted it. But I have to admit it wasn't like I didn't want it. It was a five bedroom, three bathroom home. More than enough for me, a single man. It was just a house after all.

But it wasn't. My father's gifts are never just gifts.

I was standing in the empty kitchen, imagining what I could do with the space when I felt my father pat my shoulder.

"Do you love it?"

"I do. Thank you so much, dad."

When I turned to him, he was smiling smugly. "I'm glad you like it."

"Why did you buy it though? Isn't it enough you bought me that condo I stayed in for only two years?"

"No. It isn't. You are my son. You're twenty five now. I need to make sure you have space for a family."

I paused briefly.

"A family? Whoa."

"Harry, you are twenty five. If your hesitance is about not being able to spend time with your best friends, Eric is married. And Jayson is seeing this girl now so who knows where that's headed. Many people your age are getting married and starting families. I'm sure you're thinking about it, aren't you?"

"To be honest, no." I answered truthfully. But I don't think he believed me.

"Well, I think you should think about it. And I mean think about it seriously."

"Why?"

"You just should."

The way he said that last statement so pointedly made me think there was more to it than what he was actually saying. My father almost always had something up his sleeve for me.

"Okay."

He smiled big at me. "Good. So what we'll do is we'll order anything you need this weekend. And then we'll get you all moved in by next week and go from there."

"Okay."

As he turned to leave, I follwed quietly. I knew at some point this was coming. I couldn't hide from it forever. But I knew one thing. I was certainly going to do the best that I could to postpone it for as long as possible.

❤🧡💛💚💙💜

In the grand scheme of things, two months doesn't really seem like a long time. But when your heart physically aches every time you see someone or get near them, it is a long time. It's like being in pain for eight and a half straight weeks, sixty days, one thousand four hundred forty hours, eighty six thousand four hundred minutes, five million, one hundred eighty four thousand seconds. You get the idea.