In six months, Gwen Johnston turns thirty, and when she does, she vows she'll have her life together. She'll no longer be jumping from one job to another, from one relationship to the next. A new, more mature, Gwen will have emerged. She's giving he...
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Gwen's friends are leaving this afternoon to drive themselves back to the airport in Quebec City, and I'm half-tempted to climb the stairs, pack their bags, and suggest they should leave much earlier to avoid the traffic.
Izzy is talking about what we're doing this morning before they leave, and on the other side of the living room, Gwen is stealing all my attention by wearing the tiniest sundress she owns. The late September weather is warm, but it's hardly figure hugging, barely there clothing weather, which makes me wonder if she's worn that for me.
It's not the first time on our trip that I've admired the dress on Gwen, but it is the first time I've allowed myself to contemplate dragging it up her body to reveal all the treasures beneath. When she catches me staring, she smirks, and I don't have to wonder why she wore it anymore. Fuck me.
The last two days have been torturous, and the first half of today seems to be more of the same. Izzy and Jeremy pretended to buy the uncomfortable couch argument for why Gwen and her things were in the bedroom with me. Their casual acceptance has only fueled the tension between me and Gwen, emboldened Gwen to see how far my willpower lasts when we're in the same room with an audience.
Any moment I can snatch with her, unobserved, we're all over each other. My hands find her waist, her hair, her ass, and my lips seek the heat of hers. Makes me wonder how we went this long without ripping each other's clothes off. I'm lost from the minute I touch her, and I'm certain I've ever wanted anyone the way I want her.
Every moment between us is now coated with a haze of lust and anticipation. At night when we slide under the covers, it doesn't take long before we're sliding against each other. Slow explorations of each other's bodies that haven't led where both of us want to go. One of us puts a stop to it before we go too far, and it isn't always me. When Izzy and Jeremy leave this afternoon, our reason for holding back vanishes.
Despite how good things have been between us, when Gwen isn't within touching distance, I'm wary of what comes next. While it might be hard to pull back from this new closeness, I think I could recover our friendship, revert to the travel companion vibe. But once we're completely and totally together, our relationship can only go one of two ways.
One of us loses interest and we struggle to find equal footing again or neither of us is able to completely let go. I'm not sure which outcome worries me more. In both scenarios, I suspect I'll be fucked.
If we applied the brakes now, tonight, I could see us being close friends for years, checking in with each other, maybe going on more adventures. The line between us is blurry, but it's clear enough that I can see it. If we completely cross this threshold, obliterate the line, I'm not sure that I could see her with someone else and pretend indifference.
I've never put myself to the test, but I can't imagine that level of compartmentalization. Doubly so if whoever she's with next isn't treating her well. It would pain me to see her with someone who didn't value her.
