"I need space." Those were the words Jacky said to Ryan the night before they both left for separate colleges. Now, each of them will try to learn who they are without the other. Will their paths lead them back together?
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By the time Harper texted Charlie to say that she would be back in about half an hour, Ryan and Charlie had watched several episodes of Community and Charlie had finally cracked a smile. "Isn't this show hilarious?" Ryan asked. "Jacky and I binge-watched all the seasons over winter break when he had the flu."
"Who's Jacky?" Charlie asked.
For a long second Ryan thought Charlie must be psychic. How else could they have plucked that name out of thin air? Then he realized. He had said Jacky's name and it didn't even register on his consciousness, because being with Jacky was how it was, how it had always been, at least for the past year and a half. He had entirely blocked out the little fact that Jacky had dumped him on the steps of the group home just four days ago.
"My ex-boyfriend," Ryan said finally, looking down at his hands, which were resting palms-up on his lap, as if he didn't have the energy to move them.
"Ah." Charlie nodded. It was the kind of nod that said they knew exactly how Ryan felt.
Ryan felt the need to fill the quiet. "We broke up just before we left for college."
"I remember... You said." Charlie paused, gazing away. "At the party."
Ryan tried to remember what he'd said about Jacky at the party.
"You said it was complicated," Charlie finished, and finally looked at Ryan. Their eyes looked sad, but maybe that was just the eyeliner.
"I guess it isn't." Ryan picked up the remote like he was going to play the next episode. Instead he added, "I mean, he broke up with me. I guess I was suffocating him or something." Ryan did his best Jacky impression, scoffing out the words, but he had never been as good at being mean as Jacky was. He just sounded bitter and sad, which he supposed he was.
Charlie nodded. "You accept the love you believe you deserve."
Those words sank into his chest. They were possibly the most accurate words Ryan had ever heard. "Wow," Ryan said.
"I stole that from Perks of Being a Wallflower." Charlie chuckled, only for a moment before their face went serious again. "And it's pretty true for me."
Ryan saw the opening to ask the questions he'd been wanting to ask this whole time. "Yeah?"
Charlie sighed and gazed past the TV, out the window with the view of the house's siding next door. "Yeah. A lot of times I feel like a freak, so I just assume that people aren't interested in me."
"Did something happen today?" Ryan asked quietly.
The television filled the silence as Ryan waited for Charlie to answer. "I got my hopes up, that's all," Charlie sighed out.
Ryan wanted to say how he couldn't believe Charlie had self-esteem issues, since looking at them, Ryan could see so much beauty. Plus Charlie seemed quiet and shy, but also open and vulnerable. He had an urge to pull Charlie into a big hug, like that would solve everything. Ryan didn't really know what it would be like to be nonbinary, how that would feel walking through the world. His own experience with coming out had taken a long time, and he'd only had a few people be assholes about it. He couldn't imagine what it would be like trying to ask people to use different pronouns, or even a different name. He'd never thought about his gender identity.
