"I need space." Those were the words Jacky said to Ryan the night before they both left for separate colleges. Now, each of them will try to learn who they are without the other. Will their paths lead them back together?
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Jacky
When Jacky's alarm went off that Monday morning, he groaned out loud before fishing under his pillow for his phone to shut the damn thing off. Then he lay there, contemplating his options: drag himself to his journalism class to take his midterm after carefully avoiding Braedyn in the cafeteria, or stay in bed and sleep?
The latter option was more appealing.
At least it was, until Billy spoke up from his bed. "You gonna get up, or am I going to have to listen to the intro of 'Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go' eight more times?"
To be fair, Jacky's alarm had conditioned him to jolt away at the first guitar notes right before Wham started singing, "Jitterbug," and Jacky wasn't sure if he was ever going to be able to listen to that song all the way through ever again. But that song was the one Ryan had programmed into his phone as his alarm, and Jacky enjoyed annoying Billy more than he cared about how much he was starting to hate the song.
"I'm getting up," Jacky muttered.
He did as much as he could in the room before heading into the bathroom to pee, wash his face, and brush his teeth. As much as he wanted to confront Braedyn, he sighed in relief when the only Steve was in there, shaving. "Hey," Steve said.
"Hey." Jacky stared at the circles under his eyes as he brushed his teeth. He'd been up late, texting Ryan. After Jacky had texted Ryan about being hotter than whoever was harassing him on Thursday, it had led to this conversation:
Haven't you met any hot guys at your school?
Hot gays? Yes. But most of them aren't into amputees
Hey don't be like that
Like what? Realistic?
☹
Let's just say you're better off single
I bet there are lots of hot gays at Tufts
Hot gays who want to play doctor
I'm going to call you if you don't stop being so hard on yourself
Is that a threat?
I haven't met any hot gays
Up until that point, Jacky knew he'd been pushing Ryan's buttons. He knew how protective Ryan would get if Jacky was being too self-deprecating. Knowing that Ryan was actually dating some guy named Charlie and yet claimed he didn't know any hot gays gave Jacky hope that Charlie was a rebound. Ryan was the kind of honest who wouldn't ever hide that he was dating someone.
Jacky considered revealing that he knew Ryan was going on dates to the Boston Aquarium. But then he'd have to reveal his own shit, which he didn't want to do.
I guess you're the hottest one then
Are you flirting with me?
😉
Then the dancing dots of a pending response danced for a long time. Jacky's hand holding his phone started to sweat. Finally:
I have gone on some dates. There's a person I connected with... but they're not you. I can't stop caring about you and I don't think I ever will. But I don't understand why you broke up with me or what I did wrong or what's going on now. I can't just pretend like none of that happened.
That night Jacky had stayed up late texting Ryan until he said he needed to go to bed, around one a.m. And after Jacky had dragged himself through his Friday classes, and taken a nap, Billy and Liliana had shown up in the room and talked Jacky into ordering pizza, then they had mixed drinks and Jacky had caught them up on the new developments.
"You have to be as honest with him as he's being with you," Liliana said. "He sounds like such a sweetheart."
Billy sipped his martini. "He sounds unreal, is what he sounds like. You haven't been fucking with us this whole time, have you?"
"How would I do that?" Jacky demanded.
"By getting your boy toy Braedyn to pretend to be someone else?" Billy raised an eyebrow. "What's going on there, anyway?"
Jacky scoffed in response.
I think I just panicked. You're so perfect, I couldn't imagine you going to college and not choosing someone else who isn't a fucking mess like me
Don't make me call you
I'm drunk, it isn't worth it
Speaking of drunk, that was what I was worried about
When you texted me Thursday night
Pete's been drinking a lot. I'm really worried about him.
Like how much is a lot? Almost every person at my college drinks a lot
It's hard to tell. More than me
... are YOU drinking a lot?
No, not much more than I used to at high school parties. Maybe one or two more than I used to
That's not bad. The guys across the hall go through a case of beer a night it seems like
Maybe I'm overreacting
Their texts moved from serious confessions about their feelings to other issues. Jacky told Ryan all about Cody's situation while carefully avoiding mentioning Braedyn or the fact that he didn't really have any friends other than Billy and Lilliana, or "Billiana" as he'd begun to call them in his head. Ryan told Jacky about how he mostly hung out with his roommates or a girl named Marina who had hit on him the first day of classes.
And now Jacky was dragging ass in the best of ways, all the way down to Dunkin's to get a latte with a turbo shot and pray he could pass this test.
He got in line behind someone wearing a sweater with elbow patches. How pretentious, he thought, glaring at the back of the sweater. He was so exhausted he didn't register anything else about the person in front of him until they moved up in line and he heard Fox's voice ordering an Americano.
It was too late to back out; there was a line behind him and it would only draw attention. He braced himself as Fox turned away, but someone up there must have been listening to the plea in his head, because Fox walked straight over to get himself a straw.
Two guys ignoring Jacky like he had the plague was too many, Jacky realized as he gave his order. Enough. He walked straight over to wait beside Fox for his drink. "I thought you were normally in bed by this hour," Jacky said. "Or are you pulling an all-dayer?"
It wasn't his best joke. And Fox stared at him for a minute like he wasn't getting it.
"Come on, it wasn't that bad," Jacky said.
"It was," Fox said. "You're teetering on Dad Joke territory."
"I'm tired, go fuck yourself," Jacky snapped back.
To his surprise, Fox chuckled and smiled with half his mouth. "Are you pulling all-nighters now, too?"
Jacky shrugged.
One of the workers called Fox's order, and Fox stepped forward. After he'd gotten his drink, he paused. "Maybe I'll see you around more often, then."
Jacky stared after him so long that he barely heard his own order being called. The way Fox had acted on their date had sent Jacky into a depressed spiral, and now he had to consider that he'd misinterpreted things somehow.
When Jacky's coffee came out, he took a long sip and felt every hour of sleep he'd missed. It was all for Ryan. He didn't need Fox's interest anymore.
