secrets of his

bad timing

thomas, gally and alby were sat in his living room playing a very intense game of mario kart, empty beer and cider bottles lay scattered about as well as junk food wrappers and a sneaky pack of cigarettes. (noah wasn't home for a few days and he was making the most of the free house) thomas had the best character (shy guy) so he already knew the win was in the bag. he crossed the finish line with ease, grinning arrogantly at gally who threw an empty beer can at his head, he was just a sore loser, 8th place staining his screen. yoshi wailed pitifully i'm his kart.

they went back to the game but after a moment thomas spoke up.

"so... when can i see newt again?"
he asked. feeling stupid he couldn't just go talk to his boyfriend in person, at least that's what he hopes they are, god what if newt thinks otherwise. or worse, what if he's done with thomas? he shook the thoughts out his head, trying not to dwell on it.

gally gave a shrug.
"i dunno, he's clearly shucking angry about the whole thing"

thomas sighed softly, turning his attention back to his character, just as a blue shell caught up to him.  he refrained from chucking his controller at a smug looking alby as his kart spun feebly off the edge of the ledge.

"but... thomas, he misses you. a lot. it's clear"

thomas swallowed. he missed newt so much too, it was almost unbearable. they kept playing for a good few hours before they called it a night, gally left sprawled over the couch, controller still in hand whilst alby was smart and took the spare room.

thomas stumbled into his room and quietly shut the door, wanting to punch himself for doing it, what he did when newt was sleeping there. 

he dropped onto the bed. stewing in his own thoughts for a moment before deciding 'fuck it'
he yanked out his phone, biting his thumb for a moment as he thought of what to type. he began a few times before spamming backspace with a scowl.

eventually he went simple.

tommy: hey newt. we need to talk... well i need to talk to you. please hear me out and after that you can punch me in the face or call me all the names under the sun.

he practically threw his phone over the room after hitting send. he waited with bated breath for the familiar ding. it only took a few moments.

thomas scrambled for his phone, it lit up brightly, making him squint from the sudden attack. there was a short response but at least he got one.

newtie: okay tommy. we need to talk

he breathed a sigh of relief although he wasn't exactly out of the woods yet. but with his mind feeling lighter he found it easier to drift off to sleep.
-

at around 3:40 thomas shot up with a gasp. he was sweating heavily as he gulped down air, his arms barely propped him up as he tried fruitlessly to control his breathing. it came out in heaving and ragged breaths.

thomas often had nightmares of the maze but when he woke up newt would be there to help... not now though, thomas felt his arms tremble harshly as he  looked back on the dream.

it was when newt was turning into a crank, it was the split seconds before thomas got him the cure. but in this dream he didn't... he never told newt how he felt and he had to watch as newt died. his heart clenched uncomfortable just thinking about it.

thomas sat there for about 30 minutes. too fearful that if he did go to sleep he'd wake up in the same place. as he lay there things became a little clearer for him. and he realises how dumb he was.

he had survived the impossible with an amazing family and boyfriend who had stuck with him through it all. he'd escaped mazes, greivers, psychopaths, jumped out buildings and dealt with cranks. so why did he care if people knew he was gay? he's been so caught up with school level drama he never considered why he cared. but with the loss of newt and the lack of time with the gladers thomas decided it wasn't worth staying in the closet if all his friends were out there.