The Space Between Us

Chapter 27 ~ Weight

I woke up in a panic. Literally.

My chest was tight, as though someone had dropped a weight and didn't lift it off. As I clutched at my chest, desperate to clear the weight, my mind went into a whirl, and I realized I couldn't breathe.

I fell out of bed. I was on all fours on the floor, heaving, trying to get any sense of regular feeling back.

Everything was blurry, everything was moving too quickly or too slowly, I couldn't tell. I couldn't tell anything except that I wasn't breathing correctly. It made me scared, so scared that I grabbed my hair and yelled.

Somewhere behind me, I heard my bedroom door open, light pouring in from the living room.

And the next moment, I felt hands on my back. They were warm, but they didn't help my breathing.

"River?" came a voice.

My eyes were shut, and I had collapsed on the floor, but I didn't care. Nothing mattered except escaping this feeling, this horrible feeling. I was falling, or maybe drowning, still held down.

With my eyes closed, I was reminded of my nightmare, and all I could see was him. The man that ruined my life over and over again.

I couldn't catch my breath. I was vaguely aware that Holly sat beside me, still with a hand on my back, gently resting it there.

"River... you have to slow down your breathing," I heard her voice say.

It was a distant voice, but it registered.

"I... can't..." I managed to get out. My breathing still scared me; it was much too fast. My head was starting to hurt.

I gasped a few times, my eyes shut so tightly that tears were coming out. The warm hands left my back, and I had a new sense of dread wash over me. Where had they gone? The warmth had left my body for good. This was the end.

And then the warm hands were back, tangled in my own hands. I squeezed the hands that were in mine, not thinking straight yet, but knowing that they were my best hope of calming down.

"Hey..." came the voice. "You're okay. I know it feels bad, but it can't hurt you, whatever it is. It's not here. I'm here."

It's not here. He's not here.

"Good, just like that, focus on me, okay? You're fine. You're doing great. Look, it's just you and me in this room. The moonlight is here, see?"

I opened my tear-filled eyes. Through the hair falling in front of my face, I looked at our hands. They were bathed in white moonglow from the window.

"Just us and the moon. It's a beautiful night, too. My window is open, and the wind is nice and cool. I think we'll have a good autumn."

"Just us..." I repeated with a shaky breath.

"And the moon, don't forget. It deserves to be included, too."

My forehead touched the floor as I stayed down. My chest didn't have any weight anymore. My hands were still holding the warm ones.

"It feels bad, but it won't hurt you. You're safe. I'm here."

I took a final shuddering breath before my breathing returned to normal. I was aware that my hands weren't intertwined with Holly's anymore, and I sat up, looking at her through my falling hair.

Holly sat beside me, her legs folded beneath her. Her eyebrows were furrowed, and her hair was down. She wore her pajamas, a bright pink shirt, and soft shorts. Her eyes held concern and a sort of tenderness that I had never seen before.