And if you die, I wanna die with you

10. Not ok

Quick note this chapter is gonna have death, attempted suicide, and sh
—————————————————————————

I woke up feeling groggy from crying all last night .

I felt worthless and dumb.

Just empty.

I look on my phone to see 100 miss calls and texts from my parents. I wonder what happened I call my mom and she immediately picks up.

You: Hello mom?

Your mom: y..Y/n?
She says in a heartbroken voice while crying and sniffling.

You: what wrong mama?!?!

Your mom: Honey I have some extremely bad news about your brother

I felt my skin go cold I gulped nervously

You: Whats wrong mom?...

Your mom: last night your brother went on a late night drive with his friends and they were speeding..

I felt my heart drop and tears forming.

Your mom: He was going so fast and not paying attention so he crashed straight into a big truck.. And he died right on the spot..
She said as her voice broke and started sobbing

I completely froze and let go of my phone causing it to fall to to the floor  along with me. I started screaming and crying, my heart was shattered into a trillion pieces.

My phone eventually died and I was curled up into a ball on the floor thinking about my brother.

How he was the only one who helped me when I used to self harm.

How he saved my mental health and made me who I am today.

And the thought of him no longer in this world now made all of my progress shatter and cease to exist.

A couple of hours later I was still on the floor rethinking everything.

Then all of the bad memories of my past that my brother helped me get over can back 100x worse.

I pulled up my arm sleeve to look at my old scars.

I started sobbing knowing now I had no one left in this world.

I went into my bathroom and took a whole handful of sleeping pills and saw the razor I shave my face with.

I relapsed.

I lay down on my bed blood dripping from my arm to my floor.

I slowly close my eyes feeling nothing but pain.

*A couple of hours later*

I was woken up by extremely loud banging on my front door and sighed realizing I'm still alive.

I slowly get up and pulled down my arm sleeve.

I struggle to walk straight but get the hang of it.

I open the door to see Tom, bill, and Lina.

I froze realizing I probably look like shit from all my crying.

Lina immediately tackled my into a hug crushing my wounded arm.

I yelped from the pain and held my arm.

She quickly gets off of me and looks at my arm then me and realizes what I did and gives me that look.

She was the only one who I told about my struggles.

Lina: y/n what did you do..

The boys looked at each other confused before bill was about to speak but I cut him off the dodge the question.

You: why are you guys here..

Bill: your mom texted us and told us about what happened to your brother.. I'm so sorry y/n.

Bill went in to hug me before Lina snatched me and pulled up my arm sleeve to see the bloody mess.

I quickly pulled away and walked into my room before Tom grabbed me and threw me on my bed.

He closed and locked the door so Lina or bill couldn't come in.

Tom: show me.

You: there's nothing there stop it.

I said getting up going to the bathroom before he snatched me and put me back on the bed.

Tom: show me now!
He shouted

All I could do was start sobbing before he pulled me into his arms and he started gently rubbing my head and back.

You: I'm sorry Tom..
I said crying and sniffling.

Tom: shh it's ok I forgive you.

He gently picked me up and brought me to my bathroom.

Tom: let's get you cleaned up.

He carefully pulled up my sleeve to see it. I could tell he was holding back his tears.

He got a tissue and wet it with a little of water to clean off the blood then got a q-tip to sanitize all my wounds.

Then he finally wrapped my arm with big bandages.

After that he got a face wipe and wiped off all my messed up makeup and quickly brushed my hair putting it in a bun.

He picked out some clothes and helped me dress into them.

It was one of his long sleeves with some pj shorts.

When we were done he unlocked the door and held my hand leading me to the couch where I sat down with a emotionless expression.

Lina and bill quickly sat on the right side of the couch and comforted me before putting on a movie.

Tom came back with a plate of food for me too eat.

I ate most of it and Lina finished it the rest.

By then it was 10:30 pm.

Lina and bill were going back to her place to sleep and they promised me they will be back tomorrow.

Now it was just me and Tom.

He wrapped his arms around me making me feel safe and secured.

I buried my head into his chin and neck and start to cry a little missing my brother.

Tom rubs my head until I couldn't cry no more.

I look up at him and he wipes my tears before kissing me on the lips.

Tom: I really do love you y/n so much and I hate seeing you struggle like this.

You: I love you too Tom.

We both decided to lay on my bed and try to fall asleep.

When we got into the room I got on to the right side of the bed and he got on to the left.

I immediately put my head in his chest and wrapped my leg around his.

I quickly fell asleep with him rubbing my back.

1033 words

( just a quick little message for ppl who are struggling with sh I just want you guys to know that you are perfect the way you are and you might feel alone in this word but your not because there is always one or more people that love and care about you deeply no matter what and you might feel like your at rock bottom some times but you will always come back up and have good luck it's all in the matter or time, you are loved deeply🫶🏽)