It's dark when I open my eyes.
My lights are dimmed, and the blanket beneath me does nothing to comfort my stomach.
The tingling in my behind suddenly grows into a raging fire when the moments of last night come slamming back like a tidal wave crashing on a deserted beach. Oh god, oh nononono, no.
What have I done?
My hand flies to my mouth to stop a sob from slipping out.
He hit me.
Nick hit me. Hit.
I push the words out of my mind, the mere thought of sending rolls of nausea through my stomach.
He promised me, he fucking promised.
The anger I should be feeling never comes, but I can't think through all the pain. Why am I not livid? Why am I not fuming right now, smashing everything that stands in my way? Why am I....crying?
Because I know deep down that it's not really Nick's fault. It's mine.
Every good thing that has ever happened to me, my parents, my friends, Nick- I've fucked them all up. Every single thing. I'm the problem.
But what's so fucking wrong with me? Why can't I just be-
Unlovable, something whispers, you are unlovable.
I let out a short, raspy laugh that sounds more like a hoarse cry. I laugh once more, at the sheer stupidity of my idiotic ass.
To think, that Julia Adler, no- fuck Adler, Julia Foster, could ever be loved by anyone was a notion far too comical for it to be taken seriously.
I'm so fucking broken. My pieces are too far scattered and too far sharp. They cut and pierce anyone who gets too close, their edges sharpened, their surfaces reflecting the cruel life I've had.
Oh and Nick tried. He tried piecing me back together- with his gentle hands and his messy hair.
His warm smile and encouraging laugh.
But now? He sees me for who I really am. A pathetic, worthless, stupid, stupid, girl.
My throat gurgles as I my laughs die down only to be reborn into quiet sobs. My hands soon become drenched in tears as my bed jostles with every gasping breath I take. It hurts too much. Everything just hurts too much.
Nick's POV:
The alchol slides smoothly down the glass, splashing a little on the marble counter.
It feels good going down my throat, burning the sides enough that it hurts.
I want it to hurt. I want it to burn my insides away, burn until nothing but bones and ashes remain.
My hand trembles as I place the bottle back on the table, my glass long discarded when I realized it wouldn't go down fast enough as the entire bottle would.
My hand trembles as I cradle my head, reliving her tear-stricken face shake with fear.
My hand trembles as I raise the bottle to my lips, reliving her flinch with every step I take.
My hand trembles as I swallow the alchol, reliving her pained gasps with every flick of the belt.
I blink and all I see are her eyes. Eyes that used to be guarded. Eyes that used to shut out the light. This morning, all I can remember are eyes filled with cold, hard, fear.
JE LEEST
Trial and Error (Spank-fic)
Algemene fictie"Lose the jeans," he said. After a second of silence he added, "Now." Julia May Foster has been running all her life. From her past, from her fears, and from herself. Her parents died in a car crash one fatal night. Her world was shattered in mere m...
