Gemstones | Winners ✮ Anthology

'If Ice Cream Could Cure Depression' by @CubistPerson

Winning entry of "Rewind to Write" Prompt 4: Written by CubistPerson

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"Dear Ellie,

The doctors said you're still alive. How everything's broken, but your heart still beats. Your brain still functions.

It's only now I realize you broke a long time ago.

I was stupid and blind. I knew you were depressed, we all did. But I should have done more than watch you swallow those stupid pills and pretend everything was fine through a forced smile.

I knew something was wrong when it got worse. When you couldn't leave your room. When all the lights seemed too bright and when you wouldn't let me hug you. I understand now you felt suffocated.

I should have called your parents or taken you to the hospital or something. Call your therapist.

But I dragged you out on a stupid date, or whatever shit it was in an attempt to make you happy. To make you smile for once. I missed the shine in your eyes. I wanted to see it again. I wanted that and nothing more.

I shouldn't have left you alone on that bridge. I had promised you I'd be back in a minute.

I sprinted, I swear to god I did. Down to the mini ice cream cart at the bottom. Where I ordered two strawberry cones.

One for me, one for you.

If I had known, I would have never left you alone. On that bridge. I'm sorry I wasn't there to hold your hand. I'm sorry I couldn't have comforted you. I'm sorry I was such a stupid idiot to think ice cream could cure depression.

What kind of bullshit is that?

If I could turn back time, I would on my life. I know that day was too sunny for your liking. I know the skies were too blue. I know you like them gray, when they're about to burst into rain.

Because you could relate to them. I never understood, but now I do.

I never understood you, but now I do.

I wish you could relate to me, not to the gray in the world. I wish, I wish, oh how I wish I could do everything differently. If only I was a better boyfriend, would you not lie in the hospital bed before me, hanging on a strand of life?

If I was better, would you not have jumped?

Please, give me a second chance. That's all I ask, and nothing more. Give me the chance. Please.

From,

Ezra"

He placed the note next to the beeping machine. Beep. Beep. Beep. In a persistent rhythm. Ellie's heartbeat.

Drip. Drip. Drip. In a persistent rhythm, like Ezra's melting heart. From the strawberry ice cream dripping on the marble blue floor. Mixing with the salt from his tears, which were sliding down his cheeks like the ice cream dripping down the cone.

Then Ezra began to speak. His voice broke, and he had to lick his cracked lips, wipe his tired eyes. "I brought you the ice cream you never got. The-the nurses wouldn't let me bring it in, but I had to...I convinced them. For you, Ellie. For you, always."

The puddle of melted strawberry milk now formed a pool at the base of Ellie's bed. Only the cone remained.

Because, for some reason, Ezra had only bought one cone. Just one. For Ellie, as he had said. But he didn't buy one for himself.

It was a waste. Ellie was unconscious, an oxygen mask covering her face. She couldn't eat the ice cream.

Ezra knew that.

"Please wake up," he pleaded. "Please, Ellie, please. So you can have the ice cream. I got you the ice cream, it's here. All for you."

But nothing happened. What was Ellie supposed to do, magically awaken?

"Please," Ezra begged. To whom he was now begging was the question. "Please, please..."

It didn't help his grieving. All it did was add. Add the unliftable weight of guilt and pain. All the things he had ever blamed himself for, all the things he was responsible for, all the things he never did, it added up.
She could see it as well. She wished for mercy, but deprived her loved ones. Even if a ghost, not dead nor alive, she felt the same as him.

Never had it gone away.

If Ellie were to die, what was there to stop him from going down the same path?

There was a breeze. A faint breeze that swept the last drop of ice cream from the tip of the cone, onto Ellie's still hand.

Then the intervals between the beeping sped up. From seventy two, to seventy five. To eighty. Eighty five.

The consecutive high-pitched noises speeding up was unnoticeable. Ezra swung to face her bed as the beeping faded to the background, all focus on the patient lying before him.

"El-Ellie?"

There was a twitch in her hand. So miniscule. But Ezra noticed. He laid down the soggy cone on the bedside desk and grabbed Ellie's hand. "Ellie! Are you there?" His hands trembled as he lifted her hand off the bed. "Please wake up! I'm here for you, I've got you! I know you're in there! So please, please open your eyes."

Would she have wished to jump now? When now she sees there was someone always there for her?

Don't cry, Ezra. It's her fault, and she realizes now. Her fault for not realizing you were there for her.

How you always were.

So don't leave now. Do as he says, and give him a second chance.

The light of the room flooded her vision. From the yellow light above, and the sun from the window to the right, it blinded her.

It was the light she never had.

"Ellie?"

She tried to open her eyes. Ignoring the bright light and focusing on the figure. Focusing, as his distinctive features, his sandy blond hair, his beautiful brown eyes... the small tattoo on his neck of an ice cream. With the letter 'E' adorning the top.

She opened her mouth. From the corner of her lips, she tried to get the sound out. "Ez... Ez...ra?"

That was all she could manage.

But that was all he needed.

She felt, on her wrist, a kiss, on their matching tattoo. Two matching cones.

Because maybe all they needed were two cones of ice cream.

One for Ellie.

And one for Ezra.