• 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 •

chapter three

CAMILLA

I slowly walk into the gates of the cemetery. The utter calmness that spreads over me in a place like this is most likely marked as borderline mentally unstable.

It definitely is, actually.

My heels are covered in mud and dead grass and the rear of my dress is also caked with dirt and filth.

No more Blair women are wearing this anymore.

I giggle to myself. Fuck the Blairs.

But with the amount of fabric dye they have, it might just be salvageable.

My hair is sopping wet and the ribbons are practically falling out. The pearls are the only thing that looks sort of decent now.

My makeup is probably a mess, but the makeup artists did use waterproof makeup so it might not be so bad.

It's not like I could care about that anymore.

I trek up the hill and groan at the strain on my thighs, I forgot how steep this is.

It didn't take forever to go up since it's not a mountain. The top of the hill is quite flat and easy to walk around on.

There's a wooden bench under the tree which I always sit on. It has a direct view of the gate, so I can see who comes in and out, and I can hide based on my knowledge.

I slump down on the bench, a sense of relief filling me at the familiar feeling of the wood and the slight creaking under my weight.

I place my purse next to me and tuck some of my dress underneath me. I dig inside my purse and find a pack of cigarettes.

I start overthinking about everything, what the fuck am I supposed to do now?

There's no way I can go back after Adam left me and humiliated me indirectly.

I tuck the cigarette between my lips.

I did not think this through. Like at all. I don't have any money on me right now, if I go back, I'll get the worst beating of my life until I'm bruised and broken for days—no months, even.

Tears stream down my face again, this time there will be nobody to take me here and wrap my wounds.

Adam is gone. He had someone else.

He was the number one person in my life, I was probably down in the twenties on his list. a
Stupid Lilly was obviously gonna be number one compared to me.

But I like to think that I was number one on his list, at some point.

Though that is a fool's wish.

One love begins and another comes undone. He never loved me though. At least I think he never did.

That doesn't deny the everlasting craving of his affection to be on me and me alone. Nobody else. Just me.

I don't know if I liked him as more than a friend or if I just took the first person who was actually nice to me.

He made it clear that he didn't like me romantically and it was just an arranged marriage.

He didn't trust me with his plans to run away either even though I would've helped him, even if that was at the expense of my emotions and mental state, I would have helped him run.

Tears start falling onto my lap. Why am I like this? Why am I being so emotional today?

I start remembering Lilah and Richard, people I met only in a day and they were already nice to me, without even knowing my story.