Trouble || Gay MxM || Omegaverse

11. Reunited

I stared at the ceiling, my body drained and mind empty. Kieran was asleep, curled up against me, his hand around my stomach and head resting on my shoulder. His body was so hot I was almost sweating under the covers. I caressed his back absentmindedly, his soft flesh feeling good under my touch.

My alpha was happy and content with its chosen mate next to us. It was still thrilled after what we did. I wished I could feel the same things it felt, too.

But all I had was darkness in me. That weight of everything I'd done in my life. For some reason, Kieran wanted to keep me with him. To be his... To be his mate? His alpha? Why? I was everything he hated. Not just any terrorist, but a jomica.

"You're just a busboy and cannon fodder..."

A busboy, huh...? I'd still done things for Jomica, a busboy or not. Things Kieran would never be able to accept. He really thought I was just a small nobody who could still be forgiven.

I was not. What I'd done... He would never look at me the same if he learned what I did for Jomica.

But none of it mattered. I was not his alpha. He was not my omega. It was just not going to... Whatever. My place wasn't here with this omega. Not with this omega. Simple as that. I refused to acknowledge the things I felt, because what I felt or wanted didn't matter.

Because I still had to leave. I knew that, and yet...

It was so hard to get up...

I focused on his skin under my fingers. His body was so warm, and smooth, and soft... But I could still feel his strength, his toned muscles underneath his softness. He was a really nice omega. And his nature... Fuck me, that fire in him...

He was going to be all right. He'd find the alpha he was looking for.

I took in his scent. I could almost tell what it was... It should've been clear to me already. The realization was closer than ever before, but I still couldn't tell what it was that his scent reminded me of.

Before I could find the answer, I turned away from him.

It was time for me to go.

Getting out of that bed was worse than getting shot in the stomach, but I refused to acknowledge it. I made sure I didn't wake him up when I stood and got dressed. I didn't look at him. It was easier if I didn't look at him.

But once I had my clothes on, and I faced the door... I had to stop. I wished... No. I couldn't. I could lie to him. I could pretend none of what I'd done ever happened. But this weight on me would only grow worse. Staying wasn't right.

Besides... He said two things last night that still echoed in my head.

"I won't let you go get yourself killed for people who don't give a shit about you."

"Do something good with the life I saved."

I couldn't stop thinking about his words. There was a way to get rid of that heaviness inside me, and grant Kieran his wish. I could make sure that the life he saved was worth way more than the life before him. No matter how short it would be.

Kieran... I had to turn around to see him. He looked so peaceful... My need to return to him grew, but I stayed still, and for a long time, I stood there, watching him sleep. I forced myself to stay numb, to ignore everything, and just take in that moment. Because if life had turned out differently for me, this... this could be mine.

But I'd ruined my chances long before I'd met him.

My alpha watched me again in silence. It hated everything I was about to do. This omega belonged to it. It had already decided so. Its hate for me ran deeper than ever before because it was my fault it couldn't have its mate.