BEFORE

Chapter 20

JACK

I was in hell.

Squashed into a two-man tent, lying next to Jess, our sleeping bags touching but not being able to touch her.

Frigging blue ball hell.

I stared at the stars visible through our tent flap. Knowing it was futile making a wish on one but doing it anyway.

Whoever's up there, please give me the strength to get through this night without giving in to my instincts and fucking Jess senseless.

I adjusted my hard cock for the hundredth time since we'd crawled into our bags, wishing we'd packed up and headed home when we had the chance.

"It's beautiful," she murmured and I rolled onto my side to find her staring at me. "The sky."

I didn't need the clarification but I was grateful for it. Because if Jess kept staring at me like I'd hung every damn one of those stars, I'd lose it for sure.

"Go to sleep. We've got an early start if you want to see the sunrise."

"I'm too edgy to sleep." Her lips curved into a wicked smile that had me biting back a groan. "Do you know what helps me fall asleep back home?"

"You better say hot chocolate or chamomile tea or a handful of Valerian," I said, not liking where she was going with this.

She'd taunted me enough earlier, casually talking about getting off. I'd been hard ever since.

She smirked. "Orgasm is much more effective."

Fuck.

"I'm not doing this, Jess—"

"We're just making pillow talk," she said, her shadowed expression positively impish.

"Not any more." I turned away, unable to face her one moment longer without closing the short distance between us, and crushing her mouth with mine to shut her up.

"Fine. Have it your way." I didn't like her saucy tone. "But it's much more fun when another person's involved."

She wouldn't.

She couldn't.

Then I heard the rustle of her sleeping bag, the rhythmic movement of her hand rubbing against the lining, punctuated by her accelerated breathing and soft pants.

She was.

Jess was fucking masturbating. And making me listen.

So I gritted my teeth and did the only thing possible. Freed my cock, wrapped my hand around it and started stroking.

And damned if it wasn't the sexiest thing I'd done with a woman in a long time.

If Jess was trying to be quiet, she wasn't succeeding. Because I heard every gasp, every moan. Or maybe that was the point: she was trying to torture me. Or get me to give in and have sex with her.

But that wasn't going to happen. I'd told Reid I'd look after her and I would, even if my balls fell off in frustration.

I heard the exact moment she came, because she held her breath, before exhaling on a long, satisfied sigh.

And I stopped. I couldn't come inside my sleeping bag and jacking off lost its appeal when an unexpected sadness seeped through me.

I should've been the one bringing Jess to orgasm.

I should've swallowed her pants with long, hot, moist, open-mouthed kisses.

I should've sucked her tits while fingering her clit.

I should've gone down on her until she screamed.

I should've been her first.

But changing my life meant sticking to my new principles, even it meant lying here all frigging night, frustrated as hell and wishing things between us could be different.

* * *

I must've eventually drifted off around three because I woke at five thirty with the pale dawn streaking the sky, to find my arm cuddling Jess and her head snuggled into my shoulder.

We had sleeping bags between us but I still got a boner. I could blame it on the usual morning woody but this one was a hell of a lot more painful and it had to do with the woman I'd wanted all damn night and couldn't have.

Her hair tickled my nostrils and I eased away slightly, not wanting to wake her just yet, wanting to savor our closeness.

I'd never get another chance to have her in my arms like this. I intended on making every second count.

I nuzzled her neck, inhaling her soft lilac fragrance. God, it was so evocative. So Jess. Sweet and elegant. Subtly sexy. I wanted her more than ever.

I allowed myself the luxury of brushing a feather-light kiss on her ear, her temple, her forehead. I daren't go near her lips for fear I'd never stop.

She moaned and wriggled, snuggling in deeper. It should've been my cue to remove my arm and move away. I didn't.

Her eyelids fluttered open, her beautiful brown eyes hazy and unfocussed. It took a few seconds for her to awaken fully and when she did, the smile that curved her lips was breathtaking.

"Good morning."

"It is now," I said, sounding incredibly corny but wanting to make this moment last.

She chuckled. "Sleep well?"

"Not as well as you."

If she registered my innuendo, she didn't show it. "Must be the fresh outback air."

"Must be," I said, remembering the sounds she made as she came last night, knowing I'd never forget as long as I lived.

"We're awfully cozy." She shrugged her shoulder where my arm currently resided. "Aren't you afraid I might ravish you or something?"

"Or something." I gave her a quick hug. "It's kinda nice waking up next to you like this."

"Yeah, it is." She smiled, but I saw her lower lip wobble. Fuck, I couldn't make her cry.

"The sun should be up in five minutes. You don't want to miss it—"

"Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"We can do a lot in five minutes."

I saw the blatant yearning in her eyes; saw how much she wanted me. And it made me feel ten feet tall that an amazing girl like her wanted me to be her first.

But if I'd managed to keep my hands off her all night, no frigging way would I make her first time a quick fuck before she flew back to the States this afternoon.

So I removed my arm with regret and unzipped my bag. "Yeah. Five minutes gives us enough time to get up, use the bush toilet and get ready to watch the most amazing sunrise you'll ever see."

Disappointment clouded her eyes as she turned away to unzip her bag. "Meet you outside," she said, her tone forlorn, and I curled my hands into fists to stop from reaching for her.

As I squeezed through the tent flaps and trudged outside, I swore walking away from her right then was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do.