𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐍² , 𝗧𝗦𝗜𝗧𝗣.

love fest, 4

"guys, so, i have been texting my mom, and she was able to put a condition into the sale. since the buyers are only going to use this place as a vacation home, they've agreed to let you rent the place for one week every summer." skye said.

what the hell.

belly and jeremiah were happy but i wasn't at all.

"this is amazing!" jeremiah chuckled, picking belly up and spinning her.

"no, it's not." conrad said. "you can tell your mom thanks, but no." he said and walked away.

"come on, conrad, at least hear them out." belly said.

"we're not going to pay to live in our house, belly, and that for only one week? and using somebody else's furniture that has been put up by a stranger? like, come on." i said, shaking my head.

"it's over." conrad said.

"why are you the only one that gets to make this decision?" jeremiah asked.

"jere, we are not paying another family to rent our house." conrad said.

"this isn't our house anymore." jeremiah said.

"exactly." conrad said. "let it go."

"yeah, cause you're an expert on that," jeremiah said.

"jere." i said.

"no, no, no, this is the shit he does. when things aren't perfect, instead of trying to fix it, he just decides to throw it away." jeremiah said and conrad chuckled, bitterly.

"and-and it's not just the house. you did it to rose, too." he said to conrad.

i stared at jeremiah, feeling attacked and embarrassed because skye was there and they didn't know anything that happened.

"you had come to mom asking her to forgive you because you hurt rose by abandoning her on the night of her prom and because you knew how fucking happy mom was when she got to know about you and rose being together," jeremiah said. 

"you always hurt others around you because you're much of a coward to handle your problems."

"shut up, jere," conrad said, anger filling up in his eyes.

i shook my head, feeling my throat close up. it was too much to handle after being reminded of the night that gives me chest pain every single time i think about it. how i was crying because of him, how i was hoping he would stay, how my hopes were shattered when i saw his car pulling out.

i went inside, to see a guy doing graffiti on the wall and a girl throwing up. i looked around and grabbed a vodka bottle before going to the beach and drinking the bottle to its last sip while standing in the ankle-length water.

"rose, get out! i'm not dragging your dead body out of the ocean if you drown." i ignore conrad's words.

"come out of the water, rosa." he said.

"go away and leave me alone." i said, looking around to see everything blurry. i cant even stand straight. i might drown to be honest.

he went quiet. i continued swaying before i saw him in front of me and picked me up and threw me over his shoulder like a sack of potato. i squealed and thrashed my legs around, hitting his back.

"put me down!" i yelled.

"no." he said, furiously walking.

"put me down!" i yelled. he ignored me before throwing me on the dirt. i groaned, sitting up straight and fixing my hair. my shirt was starting to get untied, one little tug and i would flash him.

he sighed and bent down, tying my shirt but i pushed his hands away. "just go." i said, tying it on my own but it was a little difficult because my drunkenness couldn't decipher which one of my hands should move where.

"come on." he said, giving me his hand.

"i said, leave me alone!" i exclaimed.

"and i'm not going to." he said, assertively.

"but you did. already," i said, looking up at him.

he sighed and looked away, his hand still ready for me to grab but i ignored it and stood up, shakily, on my own. i stared at him, waiting for him to look at me.

"why didn't you tell me? why didn't you?" i asked. "you kept on hurting me while hurting on your own."

"you made me feel as if i wasn't good enough, why didn't you tell me about this? about what you were going through? about the panic attacks?" i asked.

"i don't know," he said, i frowned at him and shook my head.

"i would've tried. tried to help you. tried to make us work if only you told me that you wanted me to. if only you opened up to me." i said.

"i.. i would've tried." i whispered, on the verge of crying. he finally looked at me, tears in his own eyes.

"i didn't want to hurt you," he said.

"but you did! you hurt me even by not telling me!" i sobbed. "i would've been there for you through everything!"

"i thought you knew." he said. "i did want you, rosalyn. i do want you."

"then why? why did you throw it all away?!" i cried, yelling, my hand hitting his shoulder, weakly.

"i thought.. i thought we loved each other." i whispered, looking up at him as my sobbing stopped.

"we did." he said.

"apparently, not enough." i whispered and then turned around, walking away,

i walked back to the house, nicole who was in the pool asking me if i was good to which i shook my head when someone smashed a window.

this was a mistake. i truly shouldn't have agreed to this. i ran back into the house, upstairs to my old empty room. i never expected myself to drunk call my mother and cry in her voicemail, but i did it.

"i lost the magic, mommy. i broke beck's promise. the boys hate each other and they might not talk to each other ever and it's wrong! we lost the house! i need you." i cried.