Sigh of Relief

Chapter 8

Noah

I glance at my phone, cursing when I see that I'm awake way earlier than I should be. Despite the fact that I'm in no way a morning person, I've accidentally made a habit of waking up ahead of my alarm and I know from experience that I won't be able to go back to sleep. Groaning, I drag myself out of bed and start my morning routine, setting out my suit first.

I get out of the shower after a good ten minutes and wipe the mirror down with a cloth left under the sink, considering the scruff on my jaw.

Needs to go.

The blade is literally lying on my throat when Thea walks in, making me start.

"Good morning."

I return the greeting and turn back around, trying to get the pesky hairs beneath my chin as I gather the courage to say what's been on my mind.

"Hey, I'm thinking of taking some time off work. Probably a month or so."

She scrunches her face in confusion. "A month? Why? You never want to take time off."

The razor clanks against the porcelain as I fully face her. She's taking off her nightgown, getting ready to enter the shower.

"I mean, the break would be nice, but we're mostly settled down here. We should start focusing on all the things we talked about."

I probably look stupid with remnants of shaving cream still on my face, so I pick up a towel and begin to pat my face dry, a welcome distraction from the growing indignation in her hazel eyes.

Thea scoffs.

Is it selfish that I was hoping she'd react to my news by doing the same? Maybe, but I hoped anyway.

"Noah. We got the house. We moved in, we did the tests..." She tilts her head at me. "I just don't understand the rush."

"That's not what I meant," I say, shaking my head. Yes, we're healthy, on track with our plans, but there's no point having a child when we barely spend time together. "We need-"

Thea shushes me, taking a few steps closer and gliding her soft hands down my bare chest. I grab them before they come in contact with the bulge beneath my towel and she nuzzles her face in my neck.

"Stop. Thea, if you don't want this, you need to be honest with me."

She pauses her light kisses travelling down my jaw to lift her head up, looking me straight in the eye. "We've had this conversation before. What are you trying to say?"

I'm trying to say that I think she's lying about wanting to start a family. I don't know why, whether it's to please me or her overbearing parents, but I think it's pretty obvious that she doesn't want another child.

My voice stays low, pacifying – the last thing we need is for this to escalate. "I'm not accusing you or anythin'. I just want to talk." A single brow arches at that.

"But there's nothing to talk about. My answer is the same."

I'm left standing in the middle of bathroom as the shower turns on and guilt begins to trickle in.

What am I doing?

I could be completely wrong – it won't be surprising if her parents are the reason she's become so much more withdrawn.

The urge for a strong drink or two becomes builds up, coupled with the mounting shame I feel for even letting myself think of it.

I could call Evan, in fact I should, but my pride refuses to let me. As my sponsor, he has been nothing but supportive, even at times when I threw his help back in his face, but he also has a life, kids, and he's prepared me enough for moments like this.