An Ode To You | ✓

graduation

SAMEERA knew Nirvan Ali. She couldn't recall how she knew his name but she did.

She had seen him, just a careless little glance, a few days after joining Crysalis High in 6th grade. Once she felt comfortable enough to analyze her surroundings, she had noticed him. Her attention, however, was on other peers, who seemed more interesting.

There were the intimidating seniors whose talk she strained her ears to overhear. There was her friend, an introvert like her. There were her juniors, who were loud and rowdy. 

She noticed some of the boys, who were the same age as her. One reminded her of a character from Percy Jackson. She had been a huge fan of the series, then.

The other was a charming extrovert, Lohith, who had quickly caught her eye. Both of them - Sameera and Lohith, were newcomers to the school. But there was a stark difference in their popularity and number of friends, just within the first few weeks. She was a nobody, belonging reluctantly to the ranks of nerds and introverts.

She had a crush on Lohith. At least, she thought she did. She didn't know him intimately or ever talk to him, however. And then there was Nirvan Ali. A distant character who, she thought, belonged to the periphery of her world. Not any further than that. 

There was a boundary in her mind - encircling those she was friends with and those she wanted to be friends with. Nirvan was outside this boundary. 

She sailed through sixth grade, her mind pre-occupied with her classmates, crush and studies. It was one of the few years she really enjoyed in school.

Sameera would see Nirvan hastening to the bus every morning. He would run in that weird manner - his elbows fastened to his body, his arms flailing up and down. His feet would slide against the ground, making a certain noise. 

Sameera thought it was funny. She thought everything was funny, at that age.

Her life continued into 7th grade.

7th grade was filled with hazy memories of kpop, a pretend girl band and dramas. Her crush on Lohith had decimated into what all crushes ultimately crumbled into - a memory.

It was the beginning of her withdrawing into her shell, only extending invitation to her 3 close friends to be intimately acquainted with her. 

Nirvan remained at the periphery. The truth was she didn't care to know him better than someone who rode the same bus as him.

She had classified everyone into social boxes in her mind. He belonged to the quiet, introverted kid box. The class of people she herself belonged to but didn't interact with. Quite arrogantly, she believed in her own non-existent superiority over the kids.

8th grade passed by, as swiftly as the previous years. Nirvan had not even a shadow in her small world. She was more pre-occupied with her new classmates and was quite comfortable with her bus mates, to analyze any further.

As a 9th grade student, she was officially a senior. Before she could enjoy the perks of it, the pandemic struck.

She spent two schooling years in comfortable isolation in her home, her parents being her only company.

Then, school opened up again. It was 11th grade. Sameera had chosen the science stream with computer science.

The first day of re-opening felt very much like the first day of school. She felt awkward and alien due to all her bus mates leaving the apartment complex and school.

The evening of that day, as she boarded the evening bus and seated herself, she glanced behind her, thinking the seat behind her was empty.

It wasn't.

Nirvan was seated right behind, gazing out the window. It was rare that the two were seated next to each other or around each other. Sameera would usually look away. Her introverted tendencies controlled her every movement and action. This time, however, she broke free from it's chains. Temporarily.

She asked him, "Aren't you in the same grade as me?"

His eyes flicked to hers. Now, she saw him. It wasn't a passing, carefree glance. She really saw him. He looked different, after two years. He had facial hair and was taller. He wasn't handsome but he had a pleasant sort of countenance.

"Yeah. Sameera right?"

"Yeah and you're Nirvan?"

"Yes."

At the moment, it felt like not much had changed. It was only a simple introduction and greeting. Her opinion of him didn't waver. A guy with a gentle manners. That was who he was.

But, in hindsight, it was a huge change. He had crossed the periphery of her world and was now part of the intimate world she had built for herself.

Since that day, she talked to him, every now and then, when she felt conversational. Most of the time, she would be sleeping or cursing her loud and rowdy juniors in her mind.

11th grade passed with more downs than ups. 12th, the most important year arrived.

Sometime in the middle of the year, Nirvan struck up a conversation with her. It had become a common thing now. 

"You know, back in...7th grade? or was it 8th grade? I saw you and your friend practicing korean alphabets."

"Oh yeah." Sameera said, as she rummaged her bag for a belonging. "I was crazy about korean back then."

"Yeah, do you know the language well?"

"A little bit. I can understand to a certain extent, I suppose."

Nirvan nodded. "That's cool."

Before the realization struck her head, he had turned to his other friend and began a conversation with him.

I saw you and your friend practicing korean alphabets.

Huh. So, he had noticed her. He had noticed what she was doing with her friends. Her movements paused. 

She realized then how she had viewed him for years with prejudice. She glanced at him, the realization overwhelming her.

I was wrong. I was so wrong.

He was a great guy and a great friend. Loads better than most of the guys she used to think was cool. 

Sometimes all it took was age and a little experience with maturity to recognize who was truly good and who was superficial.

As she sat in her turquoise blue saree on her graduation day, watching the students assemble for the official photos, it was only this that she thought about. As she watched Nirvan smile with his friends, she reflected to herself.

She missed out on more time with a good friend, due to her own stupidity.

FIN

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