𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐄 | 𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠

🌱

jaane vo kaise,
log the jinke,
pyaar ko pyaar mila

Dear Diary,
13 December 2023,
Today, I learnt the art of letting go. Do I sound like a heartbroken person? I'm not.
I lied. I lied when I told him that I married him for his money, I lied.
I lied when I told him I married him because it was my wish to do so, yes, it was, I wanted to marry him, but not like this.
Not when I was being sold to him as a debt.
Funny how these ovarian hormones make you fall for your father's loan shark.
I lied.
It's wasn't because I always lied, I never did, but even after saying the truth never led me anywhere, it led me to him, but I learnt that he did not consider this marriage.
I also learnt that no matter how much I try, he will never and I could never take a small compartment of his heart.
His heart,
It was as if full of rivalry and disgust if he ever saw me lurking me around him.
Crazy isn't it? Who would anyways want a mute wife who can't speak and certainly was a sheer disappointment.
I was schooled, I'm a literature major and I write.
But I don't write Shakespeare or Jane Austen.
I tend to write my own, the kind of fairytale where she dies everytime.
And maybe in this real life of mine, she would die, again.

She closed the notebook and leaned her head on the window side table, bathing in the moon light, letting the chestnut of her hair flow and the amber of her iris glow.

If one saw her right now, they would fall for the innocence the face carried, it was so much more than just an untainted soul, her face of hearts, lips of beet and innocence of Artemis.

But all falls to one side once the person gets to know the untainted beauty cannot speak.
For people only fall for the swell of her bosom, beet of her lips, perambulate of her hips or the camber of her tiny waist, lust.
Lust they say.
Lust they do.

But at the dawn of the day, she watched the sunset alone, although she wished upon the stars for him to be just beside, embrace her and narrate his day as she listens.

Was it ever going to happen?

Now that it was late night and slumber wasn't her bestfriend, she stay awake, letting the ivory of the celestial body about 384,400 kilometers away soak her in, bath her in, embrace her, silently.
For no one should ever know she was a habitue of comfort, never.
They always used the warmth of her mother's chest against her.

The sound of tires screeching in the garden area beneath her window was the last thing she heard before her soft snores filled the empty room with her notebook tucked under her arm.

The voice of heavy never footsteps reached the room, as the co-owner softly padded up the carpet clad helical staircase and opened the door to his room.

He hadn't noticed the other person, his wife, yet.

Shehryaar Sultan, with the softest turquoise was the hardest man.

His perfect lean legs moved themselves towards the restroom, his tired turquoise giving away the tiredness in them.

He had just come from the hospital after the deadly encounter with Jafer and reuniting with his sister and best friend.

He felt so happy today.

The running of the shower could be heard as the timid figure laying of her desk got disturbed and opened her eyes.

Amber's wide like saucers as she took in the presence of the co-owner.
Yes. Co-owner.
That was what she called him, if not anything, atleast something.

Just as she was about to get from the table and her eyes came in contact with cold turquoise.

The thought of which alone scared her sometimes, wondering which one would be her last day, today? tomorrow? An enemies daughter in an enemy household certainly cannot survive, right? He would kill her someday and free her from the pain of separation, maybe then she'd be able to sleep, maybe then sleep would be bestfriends with her.

"kya kar rahi ho abhi tak? mujhpe nazar rakh rahin thi?"
She shuddered at the tone used, a growl, like a lions at his prey, a frown, like of concentration on his prey.

She couldn't speak, he knew that, why was he asking her questions that she had no answers to?

Will he ever believe her?

"I'm asking you something Laila, answer me dammit"
He walked closer to the red of hers and bended half on his so that he could look straight into the amber of her orbs.

"bol nahi sakti? tumhare baba ke saath tumhari kabhi bani nahi kya jo tum kuch nahi bolti ya bol hi naho sakti?
yun tum kyun ye chehra bana leti ho jab mai tumhe dushman kehta hun? tumhe tumhare pyaare baba ne yahan mujhper nazar rakhne bheja tha na meri biwi banakar? tou suno, tumhare vo baba jo tumhare asli baba hain bhi nahi mera baal bhi banka nahi kar payenge Laila Shehryaar Sultan, tum dekhti reh jaogi or jis insaan ne tumhe laga tumhe baap ka saya diya hai mai use tumhare saamne khatam kar dunga, bohot kharab kiya hai tumne Shehryaar Sultan ka khandan ujaad ke"

Laila shook her head frantically at the allegations she never knew were imposed on her.
Was this the reason the maids were always so scared of her and never spoke anything infront of her?
Was this the reason that every sige being in this very mansion hated her?
Thought she was a spy?

How could they?
How could he?

She couldn't even cry out aloud.

Shehryaar gazed at the pink of her cheeks and the red of her nose and the quivering of her maroon pair of lips.

She was enticing and she was his, but she wasn't worthy.
Not when she spied and was his enemy.

The colorless liquid fell on her cheeks, dissapearing into the curve of her neckline, as she gazed into his beautiful pair turquoise.

The saliva bubbling on her tongue asking her to go and puke her guts out but she wanted this moment to last, be it in the midst of enmity.

The red of amber gave away the amount of pain they held all her life, everybody used to assume, nobody ever asked to bob her head and say yes or no and point out the truth in the letters.

Shehryaar got up and laid on his side of bed with his chocolate browns falling over his iris, the lids protecting them from the mean things in the room and in a moment, he was out like a light.

Nobody could hear her cry, only the sniffles as she moved towards the sofa she sleeps on, although no sleep ever comes, maybe today it will, for the first time.

Her quivering lips placed themselves on his shiny forehead begging his closed eyes to ask her to bob her head in no or yes as he confirmed his assumptions and believe her.

His eyes never opened again that night and sleep came to her for the first time in 10 years, willingly.

humne tou jab kaliyan mangi,
kaaton ka haar mila,
jaane vo kaise, log the jinke, pyaar ko pyaar mila.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Lady has her exam on 22nd of the month is here, writing because she's too broken to learn.

Lady is going to study now.

Everyone who's having their first on Monday, all the best. I love you.

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