The Truth

Part five

I know I annoyed you daily but that was just to show that I loved you.

I sat on my bed listening to your voice while we were on the phone with each other, you were sorting out your jewellery while I was watching you. That day I was going to go and watch you teach hockey, but those plans got ruined because my father went to work. I was annoyed. We normally just sat in silence when we were on call. I was normally grumpy, and you were always sorting something out. If I wasn't grumpy I would be writing or reading. I always would stare into your eyes for ages. They were so beautiful. They were like spiralling crystals.
I'm cold. typical really, I'm always cold. Sitting up right telling myself I'm alright.
Most people don't see things that I see, I know when someone is upset, even if they make it look like they're happy. I know that you're not happy. You keep it quiet because you know I already have too much going on. But I didn't care about how much stuff was going on in my life and wanted to help you all the time.

That Saturday I was able to see you after all. I wasn't able to be with you all day like I planned but at least I got to see you. We took Dobbie out for a walk. Oh how peaceful that was. We then went back to yours and bathed Dobbie because he was dirty. You put on a crop top and my god my heart was racing. I could've just wrapped my arms around you and never let go. I sat on your bed while you were getting changed. You rested your head on my lap and I rubbed my thumb on your arm. You looked so peaceful.

There was always something I saw in Titanic. Whenever I watched it I could always see your face. I don't know why but Rose always reminded me of you. I wanted you to go on and do unimaginable things in life, you are going to be the world's most successful person I know. I wanted to be a part of that success.
It was the 18th of November. I was stressing about Christmas presents. I didn't know what to get you. I had to get things for Amelia and Evie and on top of that so many presents for you.
I wanted to get the most precious present for you.
I ran for 10 hours, from 9 am-6 pm. I ran knowing I had severe health issues and could die from doing this run because of my health. But I still did it And I finished it. I started at West Coker and ran every single path of that, I then got to East Coker and ran every path of that, I then got to Hardington and did every part of that, I then got to Sutton Bingham and ran every single path of that, I finished the run at the garden centre in Yeovil. In the end, I came home paralysed from the cold. It was worth doing this run. I had raised £15.123 for the International Brain Tumour Society. It was hard, very hard in fact, but I did it. I persevered and ran.
The next morning I went to school. I still had a very painful body but I was able to move.
My arms were still half-paralysed, I felt proud of myself for running that far, but I guess no one else was. I got home and nobody said "Well done!" or "I'm so proud of you for doing that run!" Nobody said anything. There wasn't even the slightest pin drop. My friend didn't know because she was in intensive care so she never found out. There was a part of me wanting her to not find out. She always cared about my safety and I had put my life at risk, for her.