The Truth

Part 10

It may have been 10-20 years from then, but it's just the fact I knew that I was dying. My body was never normal and then we went to the hospital and they said that I would die eventually. There was fluid going into my lungs and also my airways were closing.
It constantly felt like someone was screaming in my head. I couldn't get peace, new difficult things happened every day and I just started to get tired of it all.

Just as I found someone who cared about me, life got more difficult to breathe and I knew there was going to be a time when there would be an after-me. I'm just going to be someone that you love, maybe one day you're gonna have kids and they're going to be as sporty as you.
"We know full well there's just time so is it wrong to dance this line" - Birdy

There was time for me to grow, but I was never going to live to my full potential and that's what got me down. I won't become the person that I wanted to be. I wap just going to die, a drunken mess, drugged 50% of the time. My soul was disappearing slowly. At Least I could see Jordan again, and tell him the things I never was able to say to him.

I was going under and it felt like there was no one to turn to. I was growing cold.

"I just want to be by your side if these wings can fly" - birdy

'The minute I leave this earth I will be watching you. In one of my favourite books the dad dies and he says "When the sun shines through the window at you, that will be me letting you know I'm there" he didn't exactly say that but that's what I can remember.
My dearest,
When I die and you see a robin, I want you to know that that will be me, because whenever you see a robin that means a past loved one is near, and that will be me. I will be by your side no matter what even if I'm still alive or I'm gone.
"I've got time, I've got love. I've got confidence that you going to rise above" - George Ezra When life gets tough, don't run. Don't drink. And don't do drugs. Stick with life and live a healthy life. Life is like walking, just keep pushing one foot in front of the other and then someday you're going to get somewhere. I've already messed up my life and I'm not going to let you do the same as I did. You're the person I never was, so don't mess it up because you're beautiful, intelligent, and very sporty. You have a bright future ahead of you and I will be watching you achieve that future.

Eternally yours, Jess'

I promised myself I would battle for you, even if that battle was even rougher than in 2017.
I'm still going to do it. I will fight for you and make you happy because that's what I'm supposed to do.
I may have been extremely down then but that wasn't going to stop me at all, I will fight and fight until my body gives up on life. I promised you I wouldn't end my life when things get hard so here I am, instead of messing things up for you, I'm sticking with it. It takes one hot second to turn it around so l've got time, l've got love, I've got confidence for you to rise above. Because when you find things ruff I will be a good place for you to rest your head.
Being alone for a few hours helped me, it helped me with figuring out my emotions and figuring out situations I had been in. I knew my health conditions were very bad, but I then knew why I was born. I was your angel. I may have been dying in 10-20 years but so what?
I had you, I was your guardian and I would be with you until you're ready to reach out in the world and go your own way. You had a future ahead of you, a very strong one as well. I remember thinking how hard it would be when I said my last words to you. I had already planned what I was going to say. I was foolish thinking maybe I would get better and that this medication would work, but then I realised the medication only extended my life and didn't make me better. Yes, it may have made my hair grow back but to be honest I didn't want to be suffering for longer.
"Where there is hope there is life" - Anne Frank