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four.

"I know this isn't ideal."

I tugged on the lapels of Lando's suit jacket he'd put on for the funeral. We were both clad in all black, a somber color for a somber event.

"But at least we're together." I hummed, laying my hands flat on his chest.

He nodded, buttoning his jacket, "It's nice."

I furrowed my eyebrows. Why was he being short with me? I understand him being upset that his aunt passed, that makes sense. But this shortness, it seemed like it had more to do with me than his grief.

Without thinking, I pressed a kiss to his lips, hoping that maybe that would shock him back into being his normal self with me... but he barely kissed back.

"Lan?" I asked quietly, trying not to let him hear my voice break.

What was going on?

He let out a shaky sigh, barely lifting his eyes to meet mine. "Is there anything going on between you and Charles?"

I had to fight the gasp that begged to break through. Charles?

"What do you mean?"

Lando's eyes held a knowing look in them. "Addie..."

He didn't.

"Are you kidding? I just slept with you two days ago and I flew to an entirely different country to go to a funeral with you for someone I've never even met. I love you, Lando! I would never cheat on you, why would you think that?"

I watched as tears pooled in his eyes and I couldn't understand why he was the one upset right now. He's not the one being accused of cheating on the person they're madly in love with.

"I don't know, Addie. It's just every time we talk you're either with him, about to be with him, or just got back from being with him. I had a reason to be worried!" His voice raised just barely.

I honestly didn't know whether or not to be upset or angry right now. Both seemed reasonable.

"He's been my best friend since I was 5! He... he set us up, Lando. Why would he set us up just to get me to cheat on you? Why did the thought of me cheating on you ever cross your mind?" I was nearly breathless, mostly forgetting to breathe with how heated and upset I was getting at this.

Lando threw his arms out to the side, exasperated apparently. I could see the sporadic tears rolling down his cheeks. "I don't know, Addie! Ok? I'm sorry that I got worried because all my girlfriend does is spend time with other men. Sue me."

My jaw dropped, just barely.

"Wow. Ok, I guess I officially know how little you think of me, Norris. Let me remind you that I was only able to be around them because you weren't here. Were the last two years just nothing to you? Just you waiting for me to cheat on you or something?" I didn't care if my words hurt him at this point.

If anything, I wanted my words to hurt. I wanted them to hurt him as much as his hurt me. I know this probably wasn't the best course of action, but it felt right at the moment.

I heard Lando's breath catch. "Addie... I didn't mean it like that."

Bullshit.

He'd wanted to hurt me with his words because he felt hurt, just like I did.

I shook my head "You definitely meant something. If you trusted me like you claim you do then you wouldn't have accused me of cheating. You would've... this conversation would've been different."

Lando reached to take my hand, to which I very quickly pulled away. Physical touch was both of our number one love languages, what comforted us most, so I knew it hurt that I'd prevented him from having that.

"Hear me out." His voice was quiet, but I just couldn't stomach it.

"You accused me of cheating on you, Lando. You know, the exact thing that ended my last relationship? I don't take shit like that lightly."

I watched his face drop even more.

He'd obviously forgotten about Matteo, the only other person I'd been in a relationship with prior to Lando. The person I had been in love with since I was 15. We'd dated since then, even got engaged when we turned 20. But, shortly before I turned 21 I figured out something terrible about him. Matteo had been cheating on me for two years and it absolutely shattered me. It fucked me up for months, all of it happening right as I started my career as a reporter for F1.

I knew he knew about it all. I'd spoken to him about the past relationship once or twice, but I also knew that Charles had filled him in on what he needed to know before we started dating.

"Fuck."

I shook my head again, willing the tears I hadn't even known started flowing, to stop. "I'll go to the funeral with you, because I'm not that terrible of a person to leave you right before something like this, regardless of how you made me feel. But, as soon as it's over, I'm getting on a plane back home and moving in with my parents. I can't do this if you don't trust me. And... please don't come after me, I'll text you when I'm out."

Tears were flowing down both of our cheeks right now.

I'm sure he hadn't meant for things to go like this. He probably got in his head, convinced himself that Charles had gotten between us. But that was the thing, he'd believed it was true. He didn't trust that I'd stay loyal to him, that I wouldn't break his heart like he had mine.

"I'm sorry." he whispered.

I let out a shaky sigh as a sob wracked through my body, my head falling limp on his chest. "I know." The tense feeling in my chest getting worse when I felt Lando press a kiss to the top of my head, his arms hanging loose around my waist.

I wanted to take it all back, to forgive him, to give him another chance. But trust was vital to me, and I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me.