~Mirrors are more than a fixture on a wall made of breakable glass and pretty frames. They are a portal to someone's soul, reflecting all of their deeply hidden fears, dreams, and desires🪞~
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FANTASIA
I sat at the top of the bleachers watching Sarai toss the neon green tennis ball up into the air and crack it with the Chanel racquet I bought her when she made the tennis team. With every serve it seemed like she was taking all of her anger and hurt out on the ball. I was hesitant to even come here because of how upset she was with me and Kennedy this morning, but I knew that not showing up would make her feel even worse. It's not me and Kennedy's choice to decide whether or not Sarai connects with her birth mother, but it is our job as her mothers to protect her from anybody that could bring her harm. I don't know if her birth mother is included in that, and I honestly don't want to find out. Maybe prison reformed her and she's a changed woman now, but I can't trust a "maybe" to ensure my daughter's safety. I just hope that if she does decide to move forward with finding her mother, she talks to us about it first and includes us, but after how harsh and rough Kennedy was, I doubt that she will. I can't say that I would even blame her. Kennedy was dead wrong and we're going to have to talk about it in depth. Sarai stopped to take a water break. She came up into the bleachers to grab her pink Stanley cup. I handed it to her with a soft smile, but she just rolled her eyes and snatched it out of my hand, taking a long sip as her chest rose and fell. She looked so cute in her Chanel polo shirt and tennis skirt that matched her black Chanel racquet. I have her spoiled rotten, but only because she's such a good kid. She has a 4.0 GPA, she's the vice president of her class, she's the captain of the tennis team, and she has been on the homecoming court since her freshman year of high school. I wish that she would stop being mad at me so I can hug and kiss on her like I want to.
Fantasia: You look great out there.
Sarai: I'm still mad at you, but I'm happy that you came.
Fantasia: Well I wish you would stop being mad at me.
Sarai: And I wish you wouldn't have hid the truth about my birth mom from me, so I guess we're both shit out of luck.
Fantasia: Hey, watch your mouth, Rai. Don't forget who you're talking to. You can be angry all you want, but you can't be disrespectful.
Sarai:*sighs* I need to get back on the court. You can just go. You're ruining my concentration.
Fantasia: Sarai-
Sarai: Please just go, momma. I'll see you at home.
Fantasia: Ok, fine. I love you.
Sarai: I love you, too.
She kissed my cheek, making me feel a little bit better even though my feelings were still very much hurt. I could've went to Kennedy's photography studio to watch her work like I originally planned, but I didn't want to see her with the sad headspace that I was in. Sarai's birth mother is disrupting our household and she's not even around. I can only imagine the drama that will come with her becoming apart of our lives if Sarai finds her. I can't say that I understand how Sarai is feeling because I grew up knowing the family I came from. If it comes down to them meeting, I hope that my baby girl isn't disappointed with what she finds.
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TARAJI
I felt like my eyes were starting to cross as I scoured the internet for open jobs in the area. I don't know how I'm going to get any kind of employment with my criminal background, but it won't matter if I don't at least try. If I'm going to become a part of my daughter's life, I want to have my shit together for her. I want her to know that there is more to me than the bad things I've done. I don't think I'll ever be my daughter's role model or anybody's role model for that matter, but I want my daughter to have at least one positive thing to say about me when we finally meet. I groaned in frustration, ready to throw my cheap ass laptop across the room as it seemed like nobody was hiring. I was about to just give up and call it a day until I came across this ad on Indeed. It was posted by this woman named Kennedy Taylor, and apparently she's a photographer. According to the ad, she's looking for an assistant to schedule photoshoot sessions and handle anything else that she needs. I can do that. I just hope that whoever this Kennedy Taylor woman is, she judges me for the person I am now instead of the person that I used to be. I haven't changed much from the greedy, narcissistic, violent woman I was 20 years ago, but I'm not in jail anymore. That has to mean something, right? I thought that the best years of my life had been lost to a jail cell, but maybe it's not too late for me to start over. I don't know if I can create a new life for myself, but I have to try for Sarai.
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KENNEDY
I was in my office editing and touching up the stills from the recent shoot I did with model Jasmine Tooks when my phone pinged with a Gmail notification. I was ecstatic to see that someone had answered my Indeed ad after it had been up for a month with zero activity. With the weekly salary of $1K that I'm offering, I figured that someone would respond to it sooner or later, but it came a lot later than I thought it would. When I saw who answered the ad, my heart must have fallen out of my chest. It was Taraji, Sarai's fucking birth mother. I can't believe she's out of prison. She should have been given a life sentence for the things that she's done to people and their families. She obviously doesn't know who I am, but I know exactly who she is. I decided to respond to her by setting up an in-person interview with her. I know it sounds crazy, but trust me when I say that I know what I'm doing. You can't control a puppet if you don't have a tight hold on its string.
